A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been cheating on my boyfriend of 8 years i have been unhappy for about a year .i have now finished with other man but despite this i am still in love with him .my boyfreind knows i cheated and left but i told him to come back and he did. i have 2 children what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, black cloud  +, writes (16 May 2008):
only you and your boyfriend know everything about your relationship, so talk to him about it, be honest with him and yourself....it is important to be honest within yourself and it is even more important to keep dreams seperate from reality. Also, you have children now, it is no longer just about you.....know deep down what will make you happy and reach for it.....if you base your decisions on happiness the rest will fall in place.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 Hi,
Unfortunately for you , unless you have sorted out some major issues with your boyfriend, history is destined to repeat itself. If you cheated on him you did it for a reason, have these things changed? Or did you just want him back because of his role in your children's life.
This doesnt look good, he's back now so you can at least make an effort to try and repair things between you two but if you find yourself being tempted again at least do the right thing and let him leave.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Wow... another tough one to deal with. I'm curious - are either of these guys the father of your children?
OK, somehow, you've got to get closure on the other guy. You need to figure out how to put him out of your mind and call it an "in the past" done issue... otherwise, you're going to find yourself right back with him. To me, it seems like you need to make a hard choice of which of these two guys you want in your life, then stick to that decision. Unfortunately, I doubt you can have it both ways (again).
So, choose, then commit to it. That's the best I can do for now... good luck because this isn't an easy one to reconcile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): My dear, you need to think about what your doing because its going to have an adverse impact on your children. If mummys not happy with daddy, somwhere down the line your going to hold him responsible for it, and not only that your going to resent getting back with him because you'll feel your back to square one. I think u needed some time out before asking ur boyfriend back. the key to a successfull family is love and harmony only. what was stopping you sticking with the guy u cheated on him for? it was wrong of you to have an affair but may be happened for a reason, happiness.
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A
male
reader, rproctor +, writes (14 May 2008):
Take control over yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Why have you be cheating? Why are you unhappy in the relationship? What caused you to start cheating? Why did you finish with the other man? Why didn't you stay with the other guy? Why tell your partner to come back? What promises did you make him? Why are still unhappy?
There's not enough information here to give you any usefull advice. You need to clarify in your mind what you want from life. This is not fair to your children or your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Scarlettxx  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 It seems that you really don't know what you want, or what will make you happy.
Cheating is never the answer to an unhappy relationship & trust me, I've been there. The excuse "Oh but I'm so unhappy in my current relationship" is never a proper excuse to use. There must be an underlying problem in your relationship.
This man obviously loves you enough to come back to you even though you cheated on him. So now you need to talk to him & sort out the problems you have & come to a solution. Go to counselling if it helps, spend some time alone together without the children.
Just remember there are children involved, if you think that you should stick together in a relationship were it's not working just for them then don't. Soon there will be cracks appearing & it's easy for your relationship to spiral into fighting & that's not healthy for children.
If there is no solution to the problems you are having after trying to make it work (& I mean really trying) then you have to make that decision to leave. It's hard, even more hard with children but I know even myself facing it at the moment that when a relationship goes stale & nothing can be done to help it then one must move on.
Good Luck.
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