A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Firstly I know I have brought this on myself but here goes,I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years, and she is and was everything I could wish for and treated me better than anyone ever has but still I have cheated on her like I have with all my girlfriends, I don’t know why I do it, I think I just get scared of being cheated on so do it first for some reason or scared of commitment god only knows.But the girl iv been seeing now for 3 months has cancelled her wedding to be with me and is kicking her partner out, iv just finished with my girlfriend to be with her thinking it was what I wanted and now feel like my world has ended, I don’t want the other woman I just want my girlfriend back and she wants me, I told her we had just grown apart and she is hurting and just wants us to be together.I know I’ve made my bed now and should just stop crying and live with what iv caused but I just want her back to live together, have children and get married. I didn’t even realise how much I wanted this with her until now I just don’t know what to do :-( I fear if I get back with my gf then the other woman will tell her everything as she has cancelled her wedding for this.Should i just live with the situation i've created and spare my gf any more hurt, knowing that eventually she will get over me and just believe we grew apart and not that iv done the horrible things iv done
View related questions:
wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (23 August 2011):
If you want your girlfriend back, you should be honest with her that you've been cheating on her and let her decide if she wants to get back together with you or not, and just accept her decision.
You may want to see a counselor to figure out why you have this pattern of cheating. (since it's a recurring pattern, the problem is not with your partner it's with you and you can't run from yourself so you will continue to do this and suffer the consequences and make other people suffer, unless you do something about it proactively). A counselor can also help you learn how to deal with the fears and insecurity that drive you to cheat on your partners, because this cannot continue unless you want to go on destroying other people's lives and your own.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Three months?
An engagement should be for at least a year or two.
How the heck do you get to know a person in three months?
You need to slow down and tell people the truth in order to form a relationship that has a bit of substance. The good things in life are worth spending a little time developing. And stop lying and cheating if you really want a relationship. The only one you are lying and cheating OUT of a real relationship -
is yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): When's the last time you were single?
The thing that comes across when I read most of the posts from people who cheat/or cheated is that they always seem like they either found someone "so much better" or they "so regret" the way they treated someone else and wish they could go back. It's like they constantly have a double vision of themselves; one is idealistic and propped up by their proper girlfriend, and another one usually forms itself around a women they feel they can escape to when their real life seems to be too much. Living in that kind of perpetual whiplash between lovers doesn't seem like much of a life to me.
If this is a pattern within you, your returning to your ex isn't going fix it. At some point for whatever reason, your insecurity or boredom will tempt you to escape with another person. I would tell your new girlfriend the truth and leave her. And I would take a big time out. Don't date any one for a while. Seriously, get some counseling and work through these patterns you've formed. Stop trying to live your life through women and find a life you can be proud of on your own.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Be honest. Be honest with the girls about everything. Tell the new girl you don't want her. Tough luck. But it's been only 3 months, and she cheated on her own partner with you, to be honest she has made her own bed and you're not responsible for HER actions. She was stupid to cheat and then cancel her wedding for a man she barely knows, and I think that speak volumes of what her relationship was like. So don't let that become your burden. Cancel the relationship with her, because she sounds like bad news! If she can do it with you, she can do it against you. She doesn't sound one bit reliable.
And tell your ex the truth, especially if you worry about the wedding-girl beating you to it. Let your ex hear it from you, and not the other woman. Then keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.
Also realize that you cheat because of yourself, something in you that is lacking or missing. It's got nothing to do with the woman you are with, it's got everything to do with who you are as a person. Maybe you can change, but the first step is to admit to having a problem. You are the only one who can do something with this problem, and facing it is the first and most important step.
Everyone deserves happiness. You know you will not be happy if things carry on in this direction. Be honest, and work towards the things that you know will bring you happiness, which is being honest and getting your ex back. But with a clean slate this time, skeletons out of the closet. Don't tell her about every other girl, just tell her, WITHOUT DETAILS, about this recent one that made you break up with her. Keep details to a bare minimum! Even if she asks, details are pointless and will only hurt her and make her obsessed. But yes, rather she hears it from you than the other woman.
Be brave. In the end you are the one who needs to live with yourself and the actions you have taken, so do the things that will make you proud of yourself, so you can look back without shame or regret.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Well I don't think its fair to her that you haven't told her the real reason. You need to be honest with yourself here to. I mean do you think you can live with letting this girl go on beleif that you too fell apart? Is it love? Thoughts lead to actions. Cause if your thinking you got a chance your going to get away with it then you shouldn't be reconsidering things with this girl. Be honest and tell her you want to work on your friendship with her. Maybe save the relationship. If that's where your heart truly lies then I would at least take a shot. You need to cut things off with the one girl and you need to figure out why you cheated in the first place. Google why men cheat but I think thats just a bunch of excuses. So what I would do if I were you is really take a look at why you did what you did. Don't settle for surface selfish goals. Really take a look at yourself. This is a recuring thing in your life. So obviously there is something or you are trying to tell yourself something. You need to figure that out before you march forward or even try to get back together with your old gf.
...............................
A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 August 2011):
 If you want to get anywhere with your girlfriend, then you have to be totally honest with her. Tell her about the other girl and everything that's happened since you started seeing her. It will be much better for her to find out now then later. If you don't tell her all the mistakes you've made, then you're not giving her the full opportunity to make the right decision. She should know that she's risking being hurt again if she's going to get back with you. Don't keep this from her just because you don't want to look like the bad guy when you've already misbehaved. Tell her so she can get the whole picture and so that your conscience can be clear if it's not already.
...............................
|
