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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I started dating this guy recently and we got on great. He was over my house every night and he was making a big effort with me which doesn't happen often. Anyways, it was his birthday weekend last weekend and he switched his phone off for 24 hours, I didnt say anything to him about it but my mate texted his friend without telling me asking why hes switched his phone off because i was moaning to her but wouldn't actually say anything to him as i didnt want to seem over the top and we hadnt known each other very longWell in the end he switched his phone back on and txtd me, i didnt mention the fact that he had turned it off and asked if he enjoyed his birthday. The next few days he was barely txting or speaking to me so i asked him if there was a problem because i would rather know than sit there thinking and driving myself mad. He told me that I'm clingy and that I shouldn't be bothered if he doesnt speak to me for a day. I reacted by saying wow back up I am not clingy and that hes the one that texts me first each time! By that time I told him that we shouldn't see each other if he thought soo low of me. Now the next weekend was my mate's birthday (she knows him because she likes his mate) and he texted her asking if he could come to her party and I said to her I dont mind. He turned up and at first tried to flirt with me so i told him that he upset me by the way he spoke to me and that he doesnt care about me and replied by saying im crazy to think he doesnt care and then he went in a mood with me all night! He totally blanked me! soo i asked him to leave, the next day he txtd my mate asking if she had a good night and that i was being negative, i am sooo mad!Why was he texting my friend? especially knowing i was with her at the time! it feels like he is trying to play mind games with me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (22 August 2011):
This sort of defensiveness is characteristic of someone who has done things that he has to hide. You are not clingy, but he is being secretive.
If you are really really up to this, and persistent and courageous enough, ask him what is going on that he does not want you to know about. There may be a fight, but just keep asking until you get your answer. Be calm and polite.
If he is not important enough to you, or he has been rude enough for you to let this go, then do so and don't look back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Well that sucks. If someone behaved like that with me, I think I would feel confused and upset. He doesn't sound like a nice guy. It makes you wonder: if he's behaving like this so early into a relationship, what will he be like a couple of months from now?
I've found that the best measure of what I get in a relationship is what I'm prepared to accept. If I am prepared to lower my standards, and accept being treated as at best a nuisance, and at worst, like a lower, than I can easily find a guy who will treat me like that.
If I'm prepared to be single until I meet someone who makes me feel good about myself as well as happy in the relationship, then I may be single for a while, but at least I'm not left feeling miserable all the time because someone is making a fool of me.
I once dated a guy whose behavior got worse and worse. One day I got out a piece of paper, drew a line down the middle and started listing the good and bad things about the relationship. On the plus side were things like - it was nice to have somebody around to keep me company; when he was good, I felt really happy. But once I started to lost the negative things, the list got longer and longer and longer. And even if there had only been one thing on that side, which was the first thing on my list, that would have been enough for me to end the relationship. What I had written first was, "Frequent, severe emotional upsets". I realized that that was what he had to offer.
I broke up with him, and it was hard, but I knew that the longer I stayed, the more unhappy and depressed I was going to be. I felt like I had nothing to offer another man - that was how dating him made me feel.
One more thing: has he ever told you that he wants to change his behavior? Chances are that he hasn't. If he isn't interested in changing, you have a zero chance of changing him yourself. The only person whose behavior you are going to be able to change is your own.
Trust me: you deserve better than this.
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