A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've always believed that a girl should let a guy approach her, contact her and pursue her. I've 'chased' a guy before and it's never worked so this is why I think this way.I've recently been using an online dating site and I apply the same strategy here, I let the guys contact me, I never initiate contact. BUT, the other day I came across someone I'd like to get to know but it looks like the only way would be to send him an email myself. Girls and guys, what do you think of this? If I email him he'll know I'm already interested so he might think it's all too easy and play me. I don't post my picture publicly any more because in the past this has often attracted guys only looking to get laid, so in this instance I can't 'visit' his profile and then hope he'll get in touch because there's no picture to grab his attention. I know that it shouldn't only take a picture to grab his attention but unfortunately this is how it is in the online world.Would it be a bad idea to email him? I'm just scared that initiating things first will make me look too easy. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, loved all the advice
I emailed him (but forgot to send a pic arghh) but we've been emailing back and forth so will see where it goes. It's up to him to chase now of course :)
A
female
reader, GAPeach  +, writes (12 June 2009):
Contacting him shows confidence. Confidence is attractive. You know what you want, you saw the qualities in him, so by all means get him to notice you. Once you have his attention, you can flip the situation so that you are the one being pursued.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 You can only be played if you let him - so don't get so far ahead of yourself! I think that a dating website is not quite the same thing as regular dating. For one thing, you know that everyone there is searching, that has to open up the field a bit! I think in a mutual situation like this that all bets are off and you have as much right to INITIATE contact as a guy does, but after one initial approach, stand down and let them take over. That one first *hi there* would be the same as flirting in a bar. Constant and repeated contact would probably be OTT and the same as cyber-stalking, so keep yourself and your keyboard in check.
After initial contact, all old-school rules should be reapplied!!! Make it quite clear to him that although you have initiated this contact, you aren't going to pursue him, that's it's up to him to make up his mind. Psychologically, I guess, you would be right to think that he has the upper-hand because he knows you like him, but then, you decide who you continue to see and how intimate you will become, so you still pretty much are the one in charge, as most girls with a good sense of themselves are. Making the first move doesn't promise anything to him! Good luck in your search!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I think initiating is nothing more than initiating. Many girls have been forward enough with me to let me know that they are interested and I have done the same. I don't think the way u do this is an important part in a relationship since there is no relationship yet. But if two people were looking for a relationship and you know this since it is a dating site, then I guess if you dont email you will miss a chance at just attempting to date.
Don't let it bother u, just be yourself and hope for the best.
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