A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hiya, I have a problem with my boyfriend.We've been dating for quite a while and I love him very much. He's incredible in every possible way, except for one - he's very insecure and gets jealous easily.I feel that I'm at the end of my rope here. We are long distance (me in England and he's in Wales at the moment) and so I think that contributes to it - he's afraid I'm going to meet someone and he'll lose me. As a result, he gets a bit jealous when I hang round with other lads, and he's just insecure in general.He's recently found out that me and an ex-boyfriend are talking again. We've just sent one another one or two innocent e-mails ("Hi, how are you? How's the new job?" etc). My boyfriend got very angry with this and said he wants me to just get my ex-boyfriend out of my life, but I refuse because we're just friends and barely even talk once a week! My boyfriend is acting ridiculous. I constantly remind him that I love HIM and nobody else and that I would never cheat on him, but he says he can't stop these insecure thoughts.It's driving me nuts. Any help would be bloody amazing, I'm hanging on by a thread here!! Cheers xx
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (26 August 2007):
Hey, I agree with the posts below, is it really worth maintaining contact with your ex if you risk losing your "incredible" boyfriend? Of course your boyfriend is going to start to get a bit jealous, you and your ex have history, even if you see them as innocent emails - does your ex? There are only so many times you can ask 'Hi how is the job going' before things can start to get complicated.You say your boyfriend is insecure in general, do you really think this will help?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Once a week? You shouldn't be talking to your ex at all if you are really over him and are on a new relationship. Your boyfriend is experimenting a very distresful insecurity that he can't just let go just because your reassuring him over and over that you love him. It has to do with other important people in his life betraying him in the past and if you really care about him you should not do things that trigger this insecurity because they are not necesary. I don't think maintaining the friendship with your ex is going to help the problem. It'll only make it worse. Why would you want to risk your new relationship just because you want to stay friends with your old boyfriend? What makes you so happy about being friends with him? It makes you look like you still have feelings for him. If you are over that person he should be out of your mind also. You are placing unnecesary pressure on your boyfriend's mind like you care more about your ex than about him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ladyme  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 HeyThis is difficult as i can see both sides. Im a little bit like your boyfriend. But its something thats very hard to stop feeling. He probably doesnt mean to be like it but as he said hes scared of losing you and thats a good thing. On the hand its perfectly innocent the emails you are sending so there isnt really a problem. Although im guessig that the distance makes it harder aswel as your boyfriend can't be with you, therefore makes him worry even more. Just have another word with your boyfriend and say you understand how he feels but its perfectly innocent and youd never do anything to hurt him.Hope this helps xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 August 2007):
 Hi
I can see both sides of the fence here. If you and your ex are just friends now then your guy shouldnt really get jealous. Especially if you split with your ex a while before you met him. If you split because of the guy your with now, him to accept you being friends with your ex is probably a bit much to ask?
The distance thing is difficult for him though obviously.
Is the ex that good a friend that hes worth upsetting the apple cart for? Obviously your guy needs to sort out why hes insecure though, maybe it is just the distance thing. But you are always going to be talking to the opisite sex in life, its unreasonable to get jealous about that.
C xxxx
...............................
|
