A
male
age
51-59,
*daddy68
writes:Hi,I will ask the question first. What is bothering her/why is she targeting me?Background- I went to visit and ex gf (I thought we were just friends now as we worked through alot in the past 3 years. She is married with a baby and didn't tell me but the marriage was after the baby was born, so while not forced it wasn't her choice (she was 20 at the time). She was in Denmark graduating from school and going back to Mongolia. I went to visit her and it was very nice the first few days (she gave me my bday present etc)..and then she just started to get very passive aggressive and push me away. Her Mongolian friend (male) from Germany came too and she was nice to him but snippy and mean to me at the end. When I stopped by to say goodbye for good she was just bringing up things from 3 years ago (before I knew she was married) but had no specifics of anything i did wrong in the past year. General hostility. I know she was stressed about going home to her old life. Finally she asked if i would stay with her..i said sure (she knows my feelings havent changed but I never crossed any line and I do just want her to be happy (and i have dated others since) and she got mad that I said yes..but she knew how I would answer. What is with the anger and pushing away, I was just looking to be a friend.Thanks
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 I think that she is unhappy with her situation. She didn't want to marry young, she loves her child but possibly didn't want to have one at such a young age. You were a breath of freedom for her, before you found out about her deception. She has a hundred reasons to be angry, and it seems like you are a convenient dart-board. She is angry because she can't change her life. I think that she has a lot of guilt and a lot of regrets. Whether you like it or not, you can't change her situation and you really aren't her friend, you are an ex, you always will be. Even if you care, even if you have her best interest at heart, you are not an uninvolved third party, you have a conflict of interest. Isn't it going to be more painful to try to fix something that is not of your doing? I think that it would be less painful to make a clean break, for both your sakes. It appears that it is too much for her to handle, and you still have feelings for her, but she is married. The situation is entirely in her hands and you should extracate yourself and let her go. I'm sorry, it sounds very painful for you both. Take care.
A
male
reader, kdaddy68 +, writes (26 August 2007):
kdaddy68 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhoa....appologize? For what? I didn't know she was married when I was dating her. She didn't tell me about her marriage or her baby. She isn't happy in her marriage I know that now but I am in no way going to get involved in that. She has to figure that out on her own. I was just trying to be her friend. Regarding all the past fights she started ALL OF THEM not me. She would just get mad and start fights over nothing. Her husband and baby were in Mongolia while she was in school in Denmark. I knew nothing of them if I had I wouldn't have been involved with her. She got married because of the baby before I met her. She was going to break up with her now husband and got pregnant as she was leaving him. Long before I met her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): I really don't understand the "background" of your situation with this woman. Was she married when you two had the relationship? Where is her husband?? Why would she ask you to stay with her if she was going back home? She wanted you to stay with her in Mongolia or in Denmark? "She knows my feelings haven't changed" then Why you wanted to be 'just friends'? Well the only thing I can tell you is that when woman acts a certain way first and then changes for the worst without you knowing what's going on is because she was expecting you to do and or say something specific she assumed you were going to do and or say.I think she may still have feelings for you too, wich is sad because she is already married. Maybe your coming back to her life has been a sweet and sour experience for her. Here she is married and happy to see you again but just realized she can't have you back because of her engagement. Plus now she is remembering all the argumets she had with you in the past and the reasons why she broke up with you in the first place. I know this because it happened to me lots of times while on my last relationship. I used to go back with my ex and get all this mixed feelings. Happy with him at first but then mad at him because there where arguments still hanging in the air and he acted like everything was all right when clearly to me they weren't.I suggest you contact this lady and apologize for any damage you have done to her in the past. Let her speak her heart out and accept the fact that you might have made mistakes in your past relationship with her and tell her that you are sorry. Then walk out of her life and forget about staying friends with her. If you still have feelings for her and she is married you should respect that and dissapear for your own good.And yes if she got married it was her choice. Lots of single mothers have made it on their own before.
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A
male
reader, kdaddy68 +, writes (25 August 2007):
kdaddy68 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo the baby is not mine she had it before I met her. She broke up with me when the relationship was getting serious. I was going to move to Denmark to be with her and she got strange (this is of course cause she was married and didnt tell me). Also she acted this last time like she was breaking up with me...we ARENT dating so why act like that?
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A
male
reader, kdaddy68 +, writes (25 August 2007):
kdaddy68 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe broke up with me before I found out she was married and had the baby. This was as it was getting more serious. I was going to move to Denmark to be with her and she flipped out. The baby is not mine she had it when she was 20 and got married due to family pressures (his). She is 25 now. The other issue is that I think I am closer to her on some level than her friends at home or family.She lets me in to see her real fears etc which she doesn't let them see.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (25 August 2007):
You didn't say who broke up with whom, or who's baby it is. Is there any chance that the baby could be yours?
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