A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, found this site accidentally while googling my issue. Ive been with someone 28 years and married 25 years, been together since late teens, thought everything was ok but now I know isnt. Iv recently found out my wife has had sex on more that a few occasions with other women.She told me first time was a few years back when in Liverpool with friends on hens party away. She said she used a female escort over there and here friend did also, separately. She been using dating sites to meet other women for sex since. She says she doesnt want us to break up but doesnt think she can stop her sexual feelings for women. Iv told her if it was with the same woman possibly I could handle it, but with different women isnt an option. I need to say I do have health issues that has effected my sex drive and also nerve damage in my spine.I dont want marriage to go and understand she has needs but still very shocked and a bit stressed.Opinions please?thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2018): How would she like it if she had health issues which stopped her from being able to meet your sexual needs, and you had sex with multiple women outside marriage? She's full blown left your marriage. She just wants you for convenience. Not love. She won't stop ever there, even if she says she will. And you can't live like that. I think you need to end this marriage.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 September 2018):
 Whether she is having sex with men, women, or one man or one woman, it is still cheating. Her marriage vows included the promise "forsaking all others".
Have you grown apart due to your health issues? Is she seeking intimacy as much as sex? Do you still cuddle? You do realize, you can take care of each other's "needs" without having full intercourse? You have tongues and hands, and there are sex toys.
I do wonder why she has suddenly decided to reveal all this information to you? What has precipitated this confession? Is she gearing up to leave you? Or does she want free rein to see other women?
If she can't or won't stop, then this will eat away at you. You two need to sit down and talk honestly about changes which could be made in your marriage. If this is not possible, then perhaps separation is the best option for you both?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2018): Run- don’t walk- away. She’s cheated on you AND used an escort? To me this sounds like a sex addict. I feel like at least a normal cheater would go after someone they had some kind of connection with- instead of paying a stranger to sleep with them! You deserve better— not do you need her STDs.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (22 September 2018):
If it was me the marriage would be over but it seems you want the marriage to continue. So you’ll have to learn to forgive and forget what happened in the past and turn a blind eye to her future infidelity.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 September 2018):
 She's bisexual or a lesbian. That doesn't excuse her cheating, which she's done repeatedly. It doesn't matter whether she cheated with men or women.What can you do sexually with a partner? How often can you do it without forcing yourself? This isn't about your wife's needs specifically, but more about any future relationships you have. If you can't be sexual, you need to find someone who doesn't want sex. If you can, but not often, you need to find someone with a low sex drive.Would you consider a sexually open relationship if you couldn't meet a future partner's sexual needs? Again, not talking about your wife because she cheated repeatedly.You don't have to open your relationship (present marriage or future dating), but you need to be with someone who's needs you can meet and who can meet yours.Your wife clearly wants to have sexual relations with other people, which isn't what you want in your marriage, so it will inevitably end in divorce because you can't trust her. She'll be unhappy if she stops and you'll be unhappy if she doesn't.I think it's time to file for divorce and learn to accept that you're not right for each other any more - unfortunately very common when with someone from teen years.After your divorce is finalised and you have healed from it, try dating people with similar needs to you, that you can meet and vice versa.Good luck, OP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2018): Not everyone will agree with me on this, but you've been together a long time and realistically cheating is very common. I'm not saying it's ok, but it does happen, and some marriages do survive it. Does she love you? I think she needs to make a decision; you, or the single life. If she chooses you, she needs to commit to being loyal to you, and working together with you to build back your trust. If she truly loves you, she'll work with you on this. But if she feels this may happen again, she needs to be single and not continue to hurt you. I really think you should talk to her and see where she stands. If you aren't intimate together, is that something you can work on?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2018): She's cheating on you. She wants to have her cake and eat it. She needs to stop or she needs to let you go.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 September 2018):
 I don’t think it matters whether the person was Male or female. The fact here is that she’s cheated on you on multiple occasions. She’s disrespected you and your marriage in the biggest way possible.
How did you find out? What was her side of the story?
Can you go on knowing you’ve been cheated on and lied to? Can you trust her anymore?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2018): Sorry but I think your wife is in denial on who she is, she is a lesbian so surely she is living a lie in being married to you? If you was having sex with different men would that be acceptable in the confines of a marriage?
It's your call on this but you are making excuses for her cheating which she has been doing for years.
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