A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for a year and he's my bestfriend but im very inscure because previouse boyfriends have cheated on me i keep thinking everytime he's not with me hes with other girls and it makes us argue alot, i don't know what to do anymore can you help me??
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female
reader, fresh_start  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 "One of the worst traits in a girlfriend is her being insecure and needy - especially about other girls when the guy isn't even doing anything wrong!"This is true but when youve been burnt bad its kinda hard to put your trust back into loved ones...its a horrible feeling when the anxiety sneaks up and gets in your head telling you all sorts of crap, its never welcome and very very hard to get rid of. I get it, i hate it and i feel like im constantly battling those inner demons and its tiring. The last thing in the world i want to be is 'that' gfFor me trust needs to be earnt, ive been cheated on, ive also been the other woman so ive seen how easy it is for people to cheat which does nothing to help my insecurities when they arise.Ill i can hope is that when i meet my next mr right, ill just feel so comfortable and secure that any insecurities can be easily kicked to the kurb.... fingers crossed anyways
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): you should trust him until he has given you a reason not to. if you continue to cause fights and whatnot over a problem thats not there, then you will push him away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): It's good that you see you have a problem thats a great start to fixing it. Now the only thing i can really tell you is to suck it up. You have got to get over it and except that he is not all your past boyfriends. Every boyfriend i have ever had cheated on me before my current boyfriend. And i do not accuse him of cheating, because its not fair. all your going to do is push him away, and if you don't get over it he is going to leave you.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 So, you recognize the problem is not with your boyfriend, it's with you? When you refer to cheating. I want you to begin using the name of those who did you wrong, instead of using ex etc. This is because you want the blame to be properly place, where ex is a general relationship term, therefore manifests as such. For example. Ex = male =boyfriend =cheating =danger..... therefore, when you're with your new boyfriend, all the other characteristics attach, because that's how being cheated on is associated in your mind.
You also need to work on your self confidence, and realize that you deserve to have someone who does not cheat on you. Has he shown any signs that he may be cheating? If not, why not enjoy the moment. If he shows signs at some point, deal with the possibility then, don't predetermine it will happen based on what others have done to you. That's wrong to treat him that way, and it's wrong to assume you're not good enough to have a guy who only wants to be with you.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (25 October 2010):
Sounds like you haven't got over your ex.
It isn't fair to treat people you don't even know based on previous people. You need more time out to learn from the past and get over it. Once you have got over the part you won't be acting "very insecure" and instead be able to have a proper relationship.
One of the worst traits in a girlfriend is her being insecure and needy - especially about other girls when the guy isn't even doing anything wrong!
So I think if you can't stop arguing, it's best to ask yourself.. is the relationship really going to work out?
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