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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been in my first relationship now for 3 months. So i am a rookie. What i want to know is when should i suggest having sex with my gf. she isn't a virgin, and i am. we haven't done anything like orals/handjobs, but do we need to do that before sex. the most i've done with her is feel her boobs and arse.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I always believe that sex will happen when both people are ready, and it's usually best not to push for it. I typically like to progress slowly and take it a step at a time. There's no point in rushing. Building the anticipation is often much better in my opinion. However, there are no set rules.
As chigirl said, educate yourself on contraceptives and be safe. It's never a bad idea to have a candid talk about sex with each other either.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 There's no time set for when you should have sex or not. You do it when the relationship feels ready for it.
Do you want her? Do you want to have sex with her? Then go ahead and set the time and place. Invite her over somewhere where the setting is perfect, and she should catch your drift. Seduce her with kisses, and then just go with the flow. Start by taking off her clothes, or ask her if she can remove them. That is sign enough that you want more, and if she isn't ready she will tell you.
Alternatively you can talk about it and ask her when in a relationship she thinks is good to have sex. Im thinking maybe she hasn't made a move because you haven't, and since you are the virgin she is thinking she needs to be patient and wait for you to tell her you are ready.
I never discussed when to have sex with any of the boyfriends Ive had, it's just something that happened, at one point we look at each other and feel horny, and just do it. No words needed. There's only one thing you need to do before you jump into intercourse: talk about protection. But, going in under teh sheets and getting naked when the mood feels right is ok, you can do the oral sex etc and not intercourse, in the case that you don't have protection ready, or want to have a discussion with her about protection without it being awkward. Then you talk to her about protection after you are done exploring each others bodies.
Google contraceptives and educate yourself on it. Then you will be better equipped when it is time for that conversation. Also read up on STD's so you know the ins and outs of the risks.
Another good topic to bring up before having sex, or at the beginning of a relationship, is abortion. What is she gets pregnant, is abortion an option or not etc. Cover the basics of sex, and you will avoid unpleasant surprises. Focus on her and you, and don't be afraid to ask her questions related to sex. Just don't ask about her previous sex partners.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (31 March 2011):
Dude, you are on the right track. Just wait a little. She'll give you what you need soon.I watched naked my girlfriend after a 1 year in the relationship [I didn't penetrated her until after the 3rd year, but that was personal choice. Some girls need time to mature their sexuality]That night I saw her completely naked, was the result of small steps before that night.It wasn't easy getting to that point. I had to go beyond her boundaries little. If she didn't liked something, I'd stopped. Then tried again on following days, until she was fine with me doing some things. You should not force her into doing something she doesn't wants to though.Trust me, have patience , and you'll get rewarded with amazing sex.
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