A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Any opinions or help will be appreciated :)My best friend liked a mutual friend of ours (lets call him 'J') and they kind of had something going for like a week but it fizzled out when she started going out with someone else (lets call this one 'S'). I've liked 'J' for some time and kept my mouth shut and now there is a very strong chance we might get together. We've been getting closer and I spent the night at his place. We just kissed and cuddled, no pressure, he was just really sweet and attentive.Now the drama starts.. my best mate is upset because she still likes 'J' even though 'S' is still her boyfriend! and ive heard indirectly that close friends think 'J's using me to get back at her for ditching him.I really like him and it seemed mutual but now I'm over-thinking and over-analysing...so confused, I dont know what to do. what should I do about my best mates feeling towards him? or should I just forget about him to save getting hurt? Any advice will help, thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Hey, I posted this question. Thanks for all the advice, Its all sorted now and I'm finaly with 'J' for real :D happy days xxx
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Mmm this is tricky.
On one hand you don't want to violate girl code and date J because your best friend isn't over him. In girl world that's the ultimate crime and could cost you a friendship. It seems as your best friend is dating S to help her get over J.
Then on the other hand, you've waited patiently for J to start liking you..but a few things are holding you back. Not only your friendship with your best friend but a little rumor you heard. Who could ignore that?
So you've got 2 choices. Seeing as your best friend is using S to get over J, you could give it a little more time till she is actually over him. If it's something fresh, like in a matter of weeks or all in one month this has happened then you do need to give it more time. Or you could go ahead and pursue J, but you could lose your best friend in the process.
Maybe a third choice, although this is a little risky. Talk to your best friend, let her know how you feel about J, and how you would like to date him. Point out that she has a boyfriend, which should help her get over him. Then ask her if it would bother her if you dated J. See what she says.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I don't know all of the details of her relationship with him, your relationship with her or your relationship with him.
How serious was their "relationship"? She broke up with him? How long have her and her current boyfriend been together and how serious are they?
It doesn't sound like they were too serious if they only dated for a week so it's highly unlikely he is trying to get with you to get back at her and as for your friend? She is being selfish, she has to have all of the guys' attention on her and if "J" is with you then he can't pine over her (which she probably thinks he is doing).
She needs to get over it and move on. She has a boyfriend, she shouldn't still be hung up on this "J" guy and since she claims to be, then she doesn't care for her current bf as much as she thinks she does.
Love is pain and if you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been, then risk the pain. It's worth every second.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): He loves her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
you just can't win
Love Stinks!
J. Giels Band
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