A
male
age
36-40,
*inVA
writes:Broke up 3 months ago. It was my first real relationship, and it lasted a 1 1/2 years. I really loved her, did everything for her, and I found out for a few months prior to our breakup that she had 'fallen in love with someone else'. This was over the summer, we lived 20 miles away, I was working 70 hours a week to pay for college, and she met someone at her office. She led me on for a few months before we finally split. Though she claims she didn't, I believe she physically cheated on me because she lied about everything else, so what's stopping her from lying about that. Regardless.... Here's the problem... 1.)My ex and I are involved in the same student organizations here on campus. I can't/won't drop it, and she won't either. 2.) She is hot. Not only by my standards, guys are hitting on her left and right at our events. I hate to say it but she really does look good.3.) I'm only starting to get over her. I don't do the random 'hookup' stuff, so it's taking me sometime to get over her, especially the sexual and friend aspects of our relationship. I feel lonely as hell. I don't know any other girls, and I am constantly looking for someone to replace her, which is leaving me in really awkward messes with other women. I am constantly comparing other girls to her, and how we connected, and how she looked, and I am not letting any one near me because I find something with them that turns me off.What do I do? Tonight we had an event for our organization and I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about her. She came looking her best, and so did I. We were in the same room, yet we never once said hello, after all that we went through, after I helped her 'beat' an eating disorder, after we spent literally hundreds of nights telling each other we loved one another, she refuses to even show common courtesies to me.I want to hate her, but I can't. I want to never speak to her again, and to find someone else to share my love with, be physical with, and be loved by in return, but I can't. I want to forget about her, but I can't. I just want to move on, but it isn't happening. I am starting to get over her, where prior to how I feel now, I was thinking about her ALL the time, and how I missed her and what we were, who I was, but now I only think about her briefly every day. Everytime I see her, and I see her a few times a week due to our activities, I want to at least converse cordially, or talk, but we don't. She has completely changed, and she now hangs out with a new crowd of people, and smokes, drinks, essentially does all this stuff we used to laugh and frown upon together.After our split she started hanging out with some people we both knew from our student org, people we used to tease due to their activities, and began drinking, smoking and partying. I took the other route and began going to the gym everyday, playing soccer everyday, learning to the play the piano, and I got involved in other groups here on campus; that type of stuff. Yet it seems like I'm the only one who is unhappy. She seems to be fitting in with these people and having a good time, and I feel like shit. I'm able to put on the front that I am ok when we are around each other, but it hurts. Now I am not an unattractive guy, but I never was in a relationship prior to this one, and then came this beautiful girl who really connected with me and was sexually attractive and I fell in love.I should hate her for what she did and move on, but i'm stuck. I feel like the moment I meet another girl whom I'm attracted to and connects with me i'll be ok, but I haven't met that person yet and it bothers me. My ex seems to be doing fine, doing whatever she does, and recently when I suggested we get lunch or something she kindly blew me off. What do I do? I know I should try and cut contact, but I see her a couple times a week, and though I don't talk, really being the in same area is enough to get me reminiscing. I know I should probably not bring up us grabbing a bite to eat or something, but I really want to talk to her and let her know how I feel about her new friends and activities. Even if it blows up in my face I kinda feel that letting my opinions out will make me settle down. What do I do? When it was warmer I was playing soccer ALL the time, to get my mind off her, but it is cold as balls outside now so that's not an option. Thanks for reading about my life and please, please let me know what to do. I just turned 21 and I feel like I lost the best thing in my life. Help me get over her!
View related questions:
cheated on me, fell in love, move on, my ex, smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SinVA +, writes (7 December 2008):
SinVA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your responses. Anytime I feel bad I love knowing that I can come here and pour out my feelings and get responses back that make me feel better.I know that the only thing to do is move on, but I really loved how I felt when I was in the relationship, and more so than missing her, I think I miss the feeling of having someone a am close and personal with, someone who I can be sexual with. Hopefully i will meet someone soon. Until then expect a few more posts whenever I feel depressed haha. Thanks again for your help
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Dear friend. Through my experience i can tell you the most easy way to forget her.
When u miss her, when her beauty comes in ur mind, just think that she ditched u. Don't become miserable for such a girl. Beauty is not forever, but loyalty is forever.
Become strong, try to improve your personality, get new hair cut, buy new colourfull clothes. You r just 20.
Remember when we don't get something,it means GOD has something beter than that for you in his store. Failures are just experiences which make us strong. Show her that you are happy without her. Help the needy people. Make new friends. Try to become good human being. You don't have to find your girl, she will come to your way. And one thing" A girl whoes heart is beautifull is more beautifull than a girl whoes just body is beautifull". Try not to involve with any girl imediately for sex. First become frnds, get committed, and if u think you both are in true love then go for physical part. I bet you wll enjoy more becoz now your soul wll be happy not just your body.
Ciao. Take care. Show her that you are not below then anyone. She is a looser not u.
...............................
A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 getting over someone you see everyday is probably the hardest thing to do..but you have to do it anyways..
she kindly showed you that you guys can't be tgether and can't go out for a bite..so this leaves you with only one thing to do:moving on..
what a hard thing to do,now seems impossible,but you will get over her..if sports gets your mind off her then practice any new sport you can do in winter im sure there are many things..
..you need to meet someone new..go out with some guys..you don't need to drink or do somthing you hate doing..but just go out and relax..everyone loves dancing...meeting new people..
if you think aout going out..meet new girls..let them be good looking...that may take your mind off your ex..give them a chance..go out on dates..nothing seriouse..
from experience ive seen that the best way to move on is to get to meet new people,go out and just relax..
wish you the best take careXXXX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): it took me a year to PROPERLY get over my ex
this girl was cruel and ignoring you..she really changed
ur worth far more than that!! and she doesnt deserve u thinkin about her for one more minute..
3 months ur obviously still raw ..but seeing her means u can't properly get over her. try get out to new different places +meet new people
...............................
|
