A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been reading the stories on here and i know i'm not the only one but i feel so aloneI had to move away to find work, i managed to get a great job which i love. the man i work closely with became a very close friend, we share the same values, work ethics, sense of humour etc. He flirted with me, came on to me and the attraction was there from day one. i never set out to have an affair with him, we grew so close, spent more and more time together so yes inevitably our relationship developed. i've never experienced anything like it before and it felt so right. i tried to end it twice, and twice we kept apart for a few weeks before we started again. Two weeks ago, i wasn't well, my stress levels were through the roof and he told me it was over for good. So now i'm heartbroken, gutted, i have to work with him and put on this act at work.And before anyone judges me, walk a mile in my shoes.he's one of those man you would never think for a second would have an affair, married for 25 yrs, happily - VERY but as i found out bored sexually and emotionally. it went way beyond sex for both of us, i got scared, he got scared. he's in a very good job, large house etc etc so he'd lose everything never mind the lifestyleso now its over and i'm so miserable, i miss him, i can't work with him - he's acting asthough nothing happened and i'm struggling to cope. i can't leave, jobs are scarce, money is tight.so what do i do?
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affair, at work, flirt, heartbroken, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Hang on and sit tight until you can find another job.
Meanwhile , try to be professional at your job.Think of what happened in the past as a bad dream or a mere fantasy like Alice in Wonderland.
Concentrate on your job and go out and socialize with friends.
Focus on God and keep yourself busy.
A free mind is the devil's workshop.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2010):
But do you have the same values? After all, he cheated on his wife rather than fix the marriage. And is he happy since he had the affair? Not likely. And did it go beyond sex for him? No, it didn't. It did for you, but not for him. Don't fall for all those things married men say. They all do the same thing. They tell you everything you want to hear, and don't mean a word. The fact he has so easily been able to cut it off when he decided he wanted to proves it. You fell for him. He did not fall for you, and don't sit there thinking that. He just used you as an emotional prop rather than fix his marriage. So realize that he's nothing like you at all and focus on your work. Get out there and meet new people. Spend time pampering yourself. Anything. Just don't sit there upset about this guy, because when push came to shove he ditched you. Focus on your own life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Hey there,
I'll save you the moral lecture on sleeping with married men. Although it would be in your interest to note that the fact that he was already committed to another person is one of the reasons why your relationship with him ended. Next time, find a more available man.
Okay, so to the advice. I understand that essentially, all things aside you have just broken up with your other half. This can be very painful so the first thing to do is to deal with the pain. Go out with your friends, find a hobby, meet new men- just get out there and stop thinking about this man. If you have a busy social life then you wont be so down about your relationship- you just wont have the time.
Okay, leaving a job is not the best idea, especially now in the current economic climate, so best to stay there for now and I'm afraid there is nothing you can do other than to get through the work day. You have to do what he does, and act like nothing has happened. Think of him as nothing more than a person off the street. Yes, this may sound impossible for you to do now- but there is really no other way to get over him.
Finally, let time do its job. Heal.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, marie jane renshaw +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Believe it or not this is very common if this is how you feel then the best thing to do is try and move with your life and treat it as a mistake in life you can learn from, even though it may be very difficult for you now each day will get easier and as for working together try to keep proffessional and think about the goals you attend to achieve in life. Men like this are obviousy not happy in their relationship its to complicated for you to be involved with, my advise would be not to approach him unless necessary and keep your distance until the air clears. Let him lead his life and you lead yours.
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