A
male
age
51-59,
*ernowWarrior
writes:I am in love with my friend (we are both gay men), I met him about 8-9 years ago, on my part it was love at first sight and as I didn't want it to be a one night stand, I decided to get to know him better before 'making my move'....... 9 years later we still are best of friends and I never got around to making my move, although my feelings for him have only grown stronger. Whenever I think about the future, there is a X shaped hole and I can't picture a future without him in it. At the moment we are currently both single and I want to tell him how I feel, but just the thought of being rejected by him breaks my heart. I know that if I tell him it will change everything between us and I would rather keep him in my life as a friend than loose him forever. Its slowly killing me! How can I tell him without the risk of loosing him if he doesn't feel the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): The question you must ask yourself is will you regret not telling him. My advise is to tell him. If he doesn't feel the same I don't think that you'll loose him. He will probably still want to be your friend. Also telling him will probably relieve a lot of stress. Then you won't have to keep worrying about what might happen.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 who cares if it changes things! you only regret what you didn't do and this sounds like it could be a huge regret
let him know how you feel! soon and if it doesn't work out you'll be able to move on (which i know sounds scary but is better in the long run). you're not getting any younger and by NOT telling him you haven't got what you wanted.
TELL HIM!!!
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male
reader, KernowWarrior +, writes (25 February 2010):
KernowWarrior is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, believe me when I say that I have been considering all these outcomes, which may be why I haven't got around to telling him yet. Sometimes I get the feeling that he may feel the same way, but that could be just wishfull thinking. He is a lovely kind man who wouldn't hurt anyone and if he didnt feel the same I'm sure that he would let me down very gently, but inevitably it would change things between us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): My friend. I'm in a similar situation, only I'm the one who's loved by my gay friend! I'm a gay guy too, we met 10 years ago, he fell in love with me but only told me after knowing each other for 7 years. He's a great guy and I love him... But only as a friend! He became very possessive of me, he became rude & jealous of people I would chat to in bars and clubs. I challenged him on this and he denied anything was wrong. He eventually admitted to me how he felt, I was flattered but just did not feel the same for him. I worked so hard to keep the friendship going but he just couldn't deal with the rejection. He cut contact for a year, that resumed again just before christmas. Things are okish now, we are not as close as we were, but that's his decision.
After all that I would still suggest telling your friend how you feel.
My motto is "if you don't ask, you'll never get"
Best of luck.
Rob
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Well, if you two are great friends chances are that you can approach him with this and see how he handles it. One of three things can happen:1. He will be flattered but not feel the same, but as he loves you as a mate will take some time out and then your friendship will continue as it is at the moment. 2. He will be flattered and have feeling for you and you two will hook up, get married and have a wonderful future together! 3. He will go weird after finding out and stop talking to you, destroying the friendship forever. You really have to prepare for all three senarios if you are thinking about telling him. Also, you might want to really think about the pros and cosn of telling him. Essentially, do you want to potentially sabotage what sounds like a great friendship for an uncertain outcome. Can you live without him in your life? But then again, what if he is not the right partner for you? You get together, spend a few months together and reaslise that he made an excellent mate but a terrible boyfriend... what then?With things like this you really have to go in prepared and if I were in your shoes I would think about what I am prepared to lose and what I am prepared to live without. Also considering you have been mates for almost ten years is there no chance that you can sort of guess what he is thinking?J
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reader, theaterlover  +, writes (24 February 2010):
well if you and him were REALLY as close as you say you are, then something like this should not change the relationship.
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