A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5years and recently i found out he had cheated on me twice. I love him so much and i stayed with him as he promised to never do it again. But i find it so hard to trust him now and i think i am pushing him away as i keep accusing him of cheating. He says that i shouldnt be with him if i dont trust him but it has only been 4months since i found out. And when we argue now he says its my fault he cheated and if i carry on he will cheat on me again and leave me for her. What do i do? should i leave the relationship from now even though it will hurt?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Thanks for the update. So he left you. As much as it hurts you right now this pig actaully did you a favour. You wasted 5 years with him, why waste any more. After all his lies and cheating he started making yiou believe ytou deserved to be cheated on and that if you conrtinued to nag he would cheat again . This man had no respect for you. He thought nothing of shifting the blame on you. So yes it is hurting right now but it gives you an opportunity to heal yourself and the abuse you have faced.
A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Dear, leave that boy. If you are not goint to thrust him, there is no need to suffer, just break with him and save a nice friendship.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 He may very well have a point. You have a hard time trusting him again and what good is a relationship without trust?
So, what do you do? Keep up with this guy who cheated TWICE (that you know of) and now threatens to do it again unless YOU forgive HIS unfaithfulness, or dump him?
Dumping him hurts? And how have you been feeling these last four months? Happy? How about those 5 years before, when he was being unfaithful?
If you can't get past this, and I don't think he is worth it but that is me, then better end it now. If 4 months aren't enough then what will be? Better pull the rotten tooth now and suffer the pain then have it fester for years on end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Hi thanks for all your advice. Well he has broken up with me because he says i am not what he wants and he is only gonna cheat on me agen so i think i will just leave it from this point 4ward. Thank u anyways.
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A
male
reader, Pazush  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Hi,
first of all, your time together sais it all.
you should not accuse him every time you can, try to reveal more empathy.
when he sais he might cheat again if somthing wont change this is a cry for attention!
take a feedback from a common friend, you might not notice that youre giving him a hard time when he tries to recover your relationship...
fact is he didnt leave you for her, and you didnt left him because of her.
cheating partner is a COMMON issue, for both intrepetations. it happens, and it dosnt means that you must throw it all away.
altough you and your closer environment must resolve it.
or by leaving the relationship, or by changing it.
changing means you will need to work it too- not only him.
in this case, this disease caused by both of you.
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A
female
reader, Jay25  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Put the blame where it lies i.e with him, nobody made him cheat but himself and as you have been good enough to stay with him I think its completely understandable that you would be suspicious, he has to build up your trust again... he should be so thankful that you gave him a second chance that he can put up with the suspicion while your learning to trust again, and be doing everything in his power to help this process instead of already dumping the blame on you, in my opinion you are probably better off without, off course it will be hard but it leaves you open to being with someone who will treat you right and respect you. It is better to be happy and single than unhappy in a bad relationship.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Leave him
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 I agree with EyesWideOpen!! You realy should leave him, he doesnt deserve you and he will keep doing it again and again.
Tips to get over it faster:
-Go out, call your friends. Keep busy it will take your mind off things
-Do some soul searching,find your true self back.
-Delete his msn, facebook, number - EVERYTHING !!
-DO NOT try to contact him
-DO NOT think about him eny longer hes an a** whole
PS: I hope this helps. I recently left a bad relationship to so i know what you are/will go trough.
KEEP US POSTED
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Yep it's time for you to leave. It's not your fault that he couldn't keep it in his pants!! There is no way that you can be in a healthy realationship with somebody who says... "And if you don't act how I want you to I'll cheat again!!" to your face. he's an ASS!! let him go on ahead and be with her. You deserve better anyways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): You have to ask yourself which is worse, continuing in a relationship with a guy who has cheated on you twice, threatens to do it again, blames you for his cheating and tells you if you don't just magically get over it he's gonna leave.
You know what he did do it again, he did it twice. So his promises aren't worth anything. When you make a relationship official that's a promise that you won't cheat. Well he's already broken that one.
Look, you love him, it's been 5 years and I know how difficult it is to let go of that. But he threw that away 4 months ago and he's now trying to guilt trip you, make it sound like it was your fault and make it sound like it's your fault that you're unable to trust him.
You know what? You can't trust him and you will never be able to trust him again, look at the way he's treating you now. He took no responsibility for what happened he just blamed you. Let me make it clear to you. He WILL do it again, that's guaranteed. So you can either dump him now and spend the next few months grieving and getting over him or you can wait until he hurts you again. Next time is going to be a lot worse.
Time for you to take initiative and empower yourself by leaving.
I don't think you will though, I think you'll stay and suffer what he's going to do to you. Even though you know in your heart that this relationship can never be fixed. It's over, it's just a matter of time before he leaves you and cheats again.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Lose the loser, there will be nothing but heartache with this guy. At least the pain from the break up will be temporary but if you stay the pain will be a chronic condition.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): It is NOT your fault he cheated - he made that decision ALL BY HIMSELF!!
Once trust is broken in a relationship it takes a very long time, if ever before that trust can been restored. Four months is not a long time.
Furthermore, he is using the argument that if you continue to ask/accuse he will cheat again - that tells you he has no respect, love at all for you.
Reassess your relationship as he sounds like a jerk!
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