A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy we have known each for 1 month now. We were complete strangers when we first met. Starting from the 5th day we known each he was talking about how much he loved me and how much he cares for me because of how much we have in common and making remarks about sex such as he is talking to just for sex, but yet we needed to have sex so that he can prove how much he loves me, trying to kiss me, touch my leg, hold my hand (in public as well), which I felt uncomfortable with but, I didnt want to tell him because he seemed like he can be a good person but needs some work.About 2 and half weeks after we have known each other he noticed that one of things that I enjoy doing is getting different phone cases for my Iphone 4s because I have a different case on my phone almost every time he sees me.So the result of him know that I enjoy collecting Iphone 4s cases he went ahead and bought me an Iphone case. I was appreciative that he went out of his way to think of buying the phone case for, but I denied the gift at first, but then he started saying how rude I was so, I gave in and took the case. Well now he is pressuring me to have sex with him because he gets grumpy when he does not get it,Also he has asked me outright for money on two occassions. The first time was for $100, and the second times was $40, I didnt not give him any money the first time he asked. I did give him the money the 2nd time because he said he needed to buy food for his house and because I owed him since he bought me the Iphone case (mentioned earlier) and he mentioned that the case is $80... I was soo upset.. I gave him the case back in a heart beat. Also he told me how he was out with another woman but he didnt do anything with her.. (should I really believe that??)I should mentioned that he is 15 and half years older than me.. am 25I should also add anytime we go out I have to pay for almost everything (gas, food, drinks) because he doesnt have the money, which most of time adds about to be $60 a day. He does work but he doesnt earn enough to support himself (especially since he has money taken out of his check due to legal obligations).He does have alot of good qualities, like caring for other peoples safety, he goes out of his way to make sure that I get home safely. He takes his job seriously, he is trying to be a better Christian. He loves his kids (from his first marriage) But am not sure if I should continue dating him. I dont want to be in a relationship where my partner will HEAVILY depend on me to take care of him in every way (financially, physically...) and then cheat on me on top of that.Would I be wrong to just end this relationship?.. this is my 1st relationship (yes I know am starting out late and its because am and have been very dedicated to my studies so that I can become a IT professional for the past 7 years (working on my Masters and a 2nd bachelors now)) so am not sure if every relationship is like this but it just does not seem normal to me, and if every guy out there is like this well.. I guess am going to be a single woman for the rest of my life which.. I dont mind.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 12 answers so far, all saying you need to leave this guy. I hope that sinks in. It's not often EVERYONE agrees on this website, so that say something!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): Is it a joke? He asks for money? He cant even support himself? He talks about sex all the time and how grumpy he gets if he doesn't have it? And he is also 40?he gives you a gift and then tells you that you owe him money for it? You must be joking asking if you should be with him?
He is a Low life, and I don't cRe how much he cares for others, or his work. He has a behavior of a low life person, there is no manners or even primitive understanding on how to treat another person, more a woman.
What are you , educated young woman, doing with a low life like that?
I can assure you that despite the fact that there are a lot of men out there who Dont deserve your attention, there are also many who are well brought up, make good living, and completely from a different world than you guy. Where did you even find treasure like that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): Is it a joke? He asks for money? He cant even support himself? He talks about sex all the time and how grumpy he gets if he doesn't have it? And he is also 40? he gives you a gift and then tells you that you owe him money for it? You must be joking asking if you should be with him?He is a Low life, and I don't care how much he cares for others, or his work. He has a behavior of a low life person, there is no manners or even primitive understanding on how to treat another person, more a woman. What are you, an educated young woman, doing with a low life like that?I can assure you that despite the fact that there are a lot of men out there who Don't deserve your attention, there are also many who are well brought up, make a good living, and completely from a different world than your guy. Where did you even find treasure like that?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 October 2012):
I'd like to echo what the others have said: he's just trying to buy sex from you. Once he gets that, he'll dump you. So drop this guy! Trust me, there are lots out there that will treat you right!
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (27 October 2012):
Apologies but I have to add my voice to this chorus. I have experienced the guilty feelings associated when someone pressures you into having sex. From my experience giving in just succeeds in slowly removing your self-esteem. His 'I love you' is purely a tool for manipulation. Please leave asap. You sound like a really nice lady and I wish you the best for the future.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I think you should certainly end the relationship, for the same reasons the other aunts have given.
You deserve better. Not every relationship is like this! He's taking advantage of your innocence, I feel, and trying to manipulate you..
You won't be single for ever. You're young and just getting started with dating. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 October 2012):
Your gut feeling is right. This man is NOT a good guy who just needs some work. This man is a user. He tries to get on your good side by being occasionally sweet to you, buying you that phone case for example. But the phone case wasn't a gift. He bullied you into accepting it, and it was an exchange. Now he wants something in return.
He just wants to sleep with you. There is NO man or woman who can love someone within days. That is a red flag. And you do nto use SEX to prove love. You use action to prove love, look to the way he treats you. He is being mean to you when you do not want to accept a gift, and he is pressuring you to have sex with him. Those are his actions. And that is not the actions that say "I love you". If he loved you and cared for you, he would be gentle, not bullying and mean. He would wait for you, want to go on dates, want to meet your friends and family. He would laugh at yoru jokes, and make you feel good about yourself. The list can go on and on, but rather than me listing it up you should just google "signs that a man loves you" or something up the lines of that. So_very_confused has a great article on this as well:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-you-can-tell-someone-loves-you.html
Whatever you do: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. It will be the biggest mistake of your life. End this sham right here and now, this man is a USER. He does not care about you. He just wants you to pay his way and give him sex.
There are good men out there, really there are! So do not give up hope, and do not settle for scumbags.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): sounds like hes just using you, this isnt normal and u dont need past relationships to know that, if someone buys you something its a gift that you havent asked for and they shouldnt expect anything in return
not every guy is like that, stop dating him and find someone who truely cares about you and will treat you right and thats not him he cares for himself
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): Get away from this man he wants to USE you for SEX and MONEY !!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): I also wanted to say, 'listen to your intuition', it is always right.
Learn to know what it is that you want in a man, as a friend, lover, husband. Know yourself and what you feel is accepable and what is not acceptable. When you do this; the majority of 'undesirables' will no longer be an issue for you. It works for me :-)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 October 2012):
 It's not normal! HE IS A SCAM!!!!!
No one, but *NO ONE* starts saying "I love you" within 5 days of meeting each other. And he's freeloading off of you for sex and money. He does not love you. He is a scam and a con artist.
No "better Christian" would dream of pressuring for sex from the start. No "better Christian" would dream of sucking money out of his girlfriend like this.
Get the "hell" away from him! It doesn't feel right because it's NOT right! The sooner you get away from him, the more fortunate you can count yourself for not getting pregnant, identity theft, valuables stolen, college education derailed, etc. He is really bad for you!
Break up. Right. Now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): You seem like a very nice, sensible young lady, and My first feeling after reading your post is 'Run', get out of this relationship NOW.Firstly, no man has the right to pressure you for sex. Secondly, No man should make you feel guilty for not having sex him. If you don't want to, that's it. It's your body. Thirdly, If you are a virgin, please think very seriously before giving yourself to this man. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take your time with the dating game. I promise you that there will be other men in the future. He is 15yrs older than you, and seems to not have his life together, asking you for money, buying you gifts with one hand, but taking it back with the other. He has debts, is paying child support. This is a tall order for a young woman in a first relationship. Sure he has some good qualities, but you should not stay with someone out of pity. My advice would be to end the relationship, concentrate on your studies and your goals. Life has a funny way of working itself out, and when you least expect it(during your studies or after) the right man, or other more suitable men will come into your life in some way or another. I was single for a few years, and was contemplating going back to University, but knew it would be hard work as a mature student. Once I made the decision to go, I put my whole self into my studies, and low and behold I met my future husband in the first year there! So it does happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): Please please get out of this relationship now or i think you are going to get very hurt
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A
female
reader, Ayanda  +, writes (27 October 2012):
My dear,I feel he is not the one for u;1)a real guy will never buy you a gift and tell you that you owe him.2)Supporting him financially will only be a draw back to you,considering the fact that you've known him only for a month,(I would understand if he was maybe your High School sweet heart) 3)He will demand money from you and spend it with other gals.4)The next thing you will be paying his bills.5)You do not know what he does with those women he goes out with,Your health is at risk.I would advise you to run away from him as fast as you can.You have invested your time to your studies its time to reap those fruits,not all men are like that.You will find someone who will really love you,respect you and care about you.Someone who you will be having same goals and objectives.Good Luck!
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