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female
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anonymous
writes: This question is very embarrassing. I've been married for 8 years and 6 of those 8 years have been almost sexless between me and my husband. The really hard part is that it's me who wants sex and NOT my husband. Usually...men want to have all the sex and the wives have to fight them off. Not me, I have to beg for sex. We have 2 children. Our longest ever dry spell was 15 months. We have books on the subject and he appears interested in solving the problem but nothing changes. All he ever wants to do is cuddle - and the never leads any farther. We have terrible fights and I say awful things to him but I've had it. I can't live like this. Is there any other woman dealing with this??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (2 November 2005):
i know how you feel and i've only been with my partner for 2 years. our longest time between sex was 11 months. it's difficult to know what to do in this situation. i thought i was the only one, we have a four month old baby and i've seen all sorts of advice for men who's partners have gone off sex but i never did. your partner obviously knows how you feel but if he's still not interested, find out why. tell him you feel unwanted and unloved(i'm assuming you do because that's how i feel) have you tried counselling such as relate. it might be worth it. you can go on your own if he doesn't want to. there may even be a medical explanation for his lack of interest. ask him to see a doctor. if he still wants you, he will do whatever it takes to get passionate again
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (2 November 2005):
 There are other women dealing or at least trying to deal with such a situation. You aren't alone.
Intimacy is part of a marriage and I think you are certainly at a stage whereby you can say to your husband that unless he seeks medical or therapeutic help for his problem (as it is a problem) then you will have to consider leaving him. I know this sounds like blackmail but you can't and shouldn't have to continue like this.
Though you shouldn't say terrible things to him because it will only make matters worse, it is understandable.
Seek couples therapy; sex therapy. Ask him to go with you to get help. If he won't go, you could consider going on your own to seek out a decision as to what you should do.
You shouldn't have to beg for sex and I think your relationship has reached an urgent stage whereby outside help is a priority.
Ask him to seek help today and go with him to find ways of sorting out this problem together. Physical problems need to be ruled out first. A lack of sex drive could be caused by psychological issues but the only way to find out is to go and get help.
I wish you luck.
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