A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hi, iv been with my guy for about 2 years now, his always been really good at making love with me but he takes a really long time to ejaculate sometimes up to 1 to 2 hours and alot of the time we both just give up after about 1 hour because we are too tired, their has been the odd time that i have got him to ejaculate within 30mins but maybe only 4 or 5 times within the 2 years we have been seeing each other, im really worried that im not doing anything rite or he finds me unattractive and thats why he takes so long, i have also noticed his instrest in porn has risen and he has only initiated sex twice in the last 2 months, i have spoken to him about the issue and all i get from him is "iv been their done that" its like his bored with sex and is not intrested, i try intiate sex or give oral sex sometimes he rejects me or i never get anything in return, anyone got any ideas why he is not intrested anymore? and any tips on some new ideas that i can treat him too, please help.
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female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (10 February 2006):
 I can understand what you are going through, I have been with my husband for 3 years, and porn has become a huge issue recently. He has a hard time staying up for me, even when I try to spice things up. We have talked and argued many times over how him viewing porn is effecting our relationship, as well as my self esteem... but he dosent care enough to stop. I suggest reading the issues under porn on this site and it might help you to make a decision on what to do... of course I cant tell you what to do because I too am suffering from the same problem as you, but reading those really helped me feel better and made me relize that if he isnt going to make any effort into this problem, then I might just have to leave him, because if he isnt willing, then I am just waisting my time with him. I hope things work out for you... I really do!
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (9 February 2006):
 it sounds like hes got so far into this porn that hes switched off to you even when you are "together" you say he wants to try new positions but gets frustrated cos they dont work, sounds like hes trying to act out what hes watching , but really that sort of thing is one thing to watch or fantasise about and another to try yourself in real life, id agree with blaming the porn ,i really think he is too busy with that to realise what sex can really be with a real person,
id tell him how you are feeling , and tell him you wana do stuff with him but he has to start concentrating on you instead of the porn, try wearing something kinky, sexy etc...read up on where to touch and kiss to have him begging for you, get horny yourself, you dont mention this but if you are not getting into it it can be hard for your partner too and then it can get tedious, find out what you like , (there is nothing turns me on more than my husband getting turned on and vise versa)
talk to him to get him in the mood, fantasise togeher by talking instead of watching or acting out (its easier)
hope things get better
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice, everything is ok between us, he is happy with me but im not 100% happy with him because of a relationship he was having with another women but thats a hole different story. i might look into finding some books about different positions to spice things up. yea im lucky he intiated sex recently but i probably wont get any for another couple of months. i dont want to leave him over this as sex is important but its not everything in a relationship. thanks
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 Hi again and thanks for the up date, you seem to have moved on a bit since the first letter as you have looked at what he is into and found it to be just the usual stuff, you have made the decision that looking at porn is not for you and you have made progress in the way that he has initiated sex so he is aware something between you is not hunky dory.
You said that sex lasted 40 mins well that is better than 2 hours, you say the positions were uncomfortable and he blamed you, well my guess was that all this is just an excuse he is well past saving and it sounds like he is not even interested in trying to spice it up and make sex a good experience for both of you.
So two bits of advice, ditch him as he is just not interested and you really do deserve a good sex life with someone who wants to share the pleasure.
Or if everything else apart from the sex is good you could get out some books and videos on sex (education not porn) and work through these they do a good section on positions and sex problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice so far, um i have looked at the porn he watches and its pretty much girl on girl or girls with one guy that sorta thing, i didnt like it at all, the hole porn watching thing bothers me alot as it makes me feel ugly and like he prefers them over me. last nite we were initimate and he was the one who intiated it first, it lasted about 40mins , we tried different positions, but in the end the posistions that he was using became uncomfortable for both of us so we stopped but then afterwards he said that i kept moving out of place and made it uncomfortable for him, yet i was just laying their he was the one moving around not me, so im confused???. i am always very intrested in exchanging fantasy's or ideas with him but he just wants to do it in bed and do it fast, id like to go places and try different positions and toys. but lookng at porn with him is totally out of the questions, im trying to get him to not look at porn as much, as when i first found out that he started looking at it , he started showing very little intrest in being intimate with me, i blame porn for this as i think he likes it over me because its faster and less effort.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (7 February 2006):
No wonder you give up after 2 hours, that is a long time and the problem is that I think he is feeling a failure for taking so long to come, and this in turn has driven him to try and find a faster release.
Have a look at the porn, there are lots of different types of porn it is not all naked women, see if there is a particular theme.
You seem open minded so maybe you would watch a video with him, act out some fantasies perhaps, i think if you could get him to come faster then he would be more up for sex again, if you know what I mean.
Tell him you want sex and that you are worried that he is going off you, explain that you want sex to be a two way thing and it would be fun to experiment, remember do not under any circumstances do anything that either of you do not feel comfortable with, experimenting is fun, pain is not. good luck
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A
male
reader, ourchosenpaths +, writes (7 February 2006):
 He is definately looking for something to spice up the sex. NO doubt. If he is bold enough to have porno around you, see what the main themes in the pornos are, chances are that even if you TRIED to do something like in his videos, his interest would jump. The truth is that with most couples, sex can get really boring if it's too predictable. Also, in terms of mens anatomy, the fastest way to make him ejaculate is progressively faster stimulation of the area right between the head and shaft of his penis...the "neck" if you will.
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