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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am so lost. I have been dating this guy for about two months, and everything was going great at first up until about two weeks ago-right around Christmas, and now New Year's it's over before it even began. We were never exclusive yet, and last night I assumed that we were going to hang out because just last week he said that he wanted to go up to the mountains for New Year's. But he called me from his friend's house in the afternoon and asked what I was doing for New Year's instead of actually inviting me to do anything. Then, he texted me around 6pm saying he was at home, and sorry he didn't get back to me sooner. I texted him an hour later saying "it's okay." Then I didn't get any response. So I called him and he didn't answer. Then I texted him saying it's okay if he doesn't like me, but that I thought he did, and I also assumed that we were going to hang out for New Year's. He called me back and went off on me saying he was pissed off at me for how I talk to him on the phone, because earlier when he was at his friend's house he said he knew of some parties but that he didn't want to go to them, and I said "It seems like you don't like parties" in a completely observational statement kind of way-in no way was I putting him down. In fact, I don't like bars or parties anymore either. So it was completely a misunderstanding. Then, he said that we just haven't been clicking lately and that he is looking for his wife, so if he feels like something is off with me or any girl he is going to follow his gut. I asked him if it was because I asked him last week what size shirt he wore so I could get him an xmas gift, and he responded "don't get me anything!" and he said it had nothing to do with it. but, honestly, ever since xmas and new years came up, he has been acting strange and i know that if a guy really likes me he will want to either exchange gifts for xmas and/or see me for new years. i just saw him on monday and everything was fine, he was all over me and talking about me going on trips with him in the summer to visit his sister and whatnot, and how he wants to have a wife that he can take care of, make dinner for, and brush her hair. he says we don't click, but i think that the chemistry is completely there, it would be one thing if i didn't think the chemistry is there, but i honestly think it is! another reason he said was that he thinks we are moving too fast, and how it is mainly his fault because he messed around with me early at the beginning, like 5th date, no oral just fingering and whatnot, but he felt guilty, and i really felt guilty because we are both Christians and really want to be pure before marriage. He's just sending me mixed signals because he's saying he still wants to be friends and that he really likes me he just wants to take it super slow and get to know me better, but at the same time he thinks we don't click that well. for example, on xmas eve he called me and i said i was going to a movie that night with friends, and just last night he said he was mad that i didn't invite him to that movie when he has been to nba games and movies without me and i didn't have a problem with it. it's like he wants to be close and then he doesn't. and it drives me insane how he is not direct with me if he wants to hang out, instead he just asks what im doing every night instead of actually saying he wants to hang out with me, it' like the safe way so he can't get rejected. on top of all this he says he might be making a mistake about it all, and that it will really hurt him if i date another guy, but that i'm obviously entitled to. im hanging out with him tonight, kind of my suggestion, but he said he likes hanging out with me and wants to be my friend, so i don't think it could be too harmful. i just want an honest answer on what the heck is goin on!!
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female
reader, lexii  +, writes (2 January 2011):
well done denise32, good answer at last.
Lexii xxx
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Well, it does sound as if he's very confused, doesn't it?
You have only been dating a couple of months, so are still getting to know one another and discovering whether or not you're really compatible.
I would scale back and just be friends with him, without trying to take it to another level and see how it goes.
However, if this turns out to be too difficult and frustrating for you, maybe after giving it a chance, you should end it..........but after a while, sit down and have a good talk with him to see if you can find out what's on his mind, and also let him know what you want and expect......good luck!
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