A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for all of you to try and answer.I have been dating the same boy for over a year now. Things started out great and still are. But when we are in bed, I don’t feel as close as we used to be. He goes in and out of phases with what he likes to do in bed and it’s a bit exhausting to try and be everything that he wants. He likes big boobs and I’m a rather small chested girl, so I try and make up for it in other ways. But lately, it just seems like he wants me to become someone entirely that I just can’t be. I want to be that person, but I don’t have it in me...and i don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be something that isn’t what he wants. I’m not on the same page as him... i don’t think i could be...even when i try... I come off looking stupid. I love him and he loves me. We still have a good sex life... i just think he thinks it could be better.,,Any ideas?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): U poor thing, that doesn't sound like much fun for u at all! Maybe it's time you started telling him about what sort of things turn YOU on and how YOU'd like it to be. I think you should tell him how you are feeling too though. If he doesn't take your feelings into account, then he's not the right guy for you. I had an ex boyfriend who was quite like that- would keep telling me how he'd like things to be in the bedroom, didn't take any of my suggestions on board, made me feel inferior sexually as he was much more experienced than me.. I left him and I'm now with a guy who cares about what I want in bed and our sex life is soooo much better :-) Good luck!
A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Has he always been so changeable in bed? If this is somewhat of a recent thing, when did it change, by that I mean how far into your 1 year relationship?
I agree with Aunty Bimbim when she says not to change yourself for someone elses benefit as this will only build resentment on your part!
Also, when you say 'different phases' are these requests mostly physical? Is he into role-playing? You just need to remind him that he fell in love with you for how you were, and ask him why this has changed! It must be so hard for you never knowing what he wants that I fear the love will soon leave this relationship..
Ak.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Yep, lots of ideas, ask him to try being what you want for a change. Just be prepared for him to ask what that is, and answer him. If he wants you to have big boobs and you are small chested ask him to grow a few more inches in the department it matters. Ask him to shave his head, grow a beard, get his teeth capped, be romantic, talk french to you, etc etc
Never, ever change who you are to please somebody else, if they dont like who you are now, the person they are supposedly in love with, what guarantee do you have they will like the person you become.
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