A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for a year but a few days ago two girls came to me and told me they had been sleeping with him. i truely love him and i dont doubt how he feels for me but i just cant believe he has done this to me. we had been arguing a lot but i thought we were getting on lately. he said that when we would have a fight he would go to one of the girls, he had sex with them both twice but other things went on with one of them two or three times. he told the girls that he no longer wanted to see them and that he loved me and wanted it all to stop, they got angry and told me to get revenge on him. i dont know what to do as i still love him so much and as strange as it sounds, still want to be with him, but how do you get through this?! he really wants us to start again and says that what happend with them ment nothing to him and that they were just easy and on a plate when he was angry. he says he knows how stupid he has been and doesnt want to loose me. do i believe that he wont do it again and genuinly has learnt? or do i walk away? i havnt been home since i found out and dont want to untill i know what m going to do
View related questions:
revenge Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Sweetheart, there are men that find excuses to cheat and other men that won't even if a naked hot girl is crawling all over them. Perhaps it would be easier for you to see in terms of men hitting women, it is their belief system that it is either ok to hit women or it is not....there is no in between, once you have hit a woman, you have shown which side you are on....same thing with cheating. Your man believes cheating is ok, as long as you don't get caught. That is who he is, that is where his beliefs lie.
I'm not saying someone can't change if they really want to and get help to change their belief system. But to just say...hey, I won't do that again....well, it just won't work, they need new information and beliefs in their head. Is he going for counseling for behavior modification and impulse control?
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Hun, he has admitted to cheating and is not going to change... he uses the excuse of when you fight he goes off and sleeps with someone..... shows lack of commitment and respect for you.
Do you really want to go through this in your relationship? Is it really worth all that pain, he is not going to change, and I suspect these two girls are only two of the many he has slept with.....
...............................
A
female
reader, BlueBag +, writes (17 November 2009):
 He has admitted to cheating, these aren't just rumours. He has done this many more times than just a one off. So no I don't believe he'll change and you shouldn't either.
The way he has behaved is appalling. Instead of trying to patch things up with the girl he "loves" he uses your fights as an excuse to go and sleep with other girls? Disgusting.
So what if he's stopped having sex with these girls? Just wait until your next fight, he'll find someone else to use.
Don't fall for this whole "I love you" rubbish. If he loved you, he would work on making your relationship better when you fight rather than going off with someone else. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's using you for securety while he goes off and acts single.
Don't put yourself through the agony of trying to forgive and forget because you'll never forget. You will always have the unsurety hanging over you and wondering when he'll next cheat on you.
Have respect for yourself and walk away. Believe it or not there are true men out there who wouldn't dream of cheating on their girlfriends. Go find a good man and leave this loser behind.
You deserve it :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 You need to decide one way or the other if you want to give him a second chance, you also need to decide if you feel capable of forgiving him eventually?
If you do decide to give him a second chance you need to be aware he may see that as a green light to behave wrongly all the time, you need to decide now how many chances you are prepared to give him, and stick to it, otherwise you might find yourself exactly back where you are now.
If you do decide to give him a second chance, you will need to sit down with him, face to face, and set some ground rules. HE will also need to acknowledge you are not going to be able to forget this over night, and that it may take quite a few months.
Good luck which ever way you go
...............................
|
