A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, it's almost been a year since my ex boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm still upset and I still miss him. I don't think I will ever fully get over it.I no longer think about it constantly like I did in the beginning, but I still think about him everyday. I was really in love with him. I was with him almost 4 years and had plans to marry him and have kids in the future. He was everything I could have asked for and was just amazing. He broke up with me and gave me many different answers as to why he did not want to be with me anymore. But then he would tell me he still loved and cared about me. We had a big argument which led to no contact, and we have not spoken in like 8 months.He started dating another woman very shortly after we broke up, which hurt me very much. The fact that he fell in love in with another woman so quickly while I was still heartbroken got to me badly.He was a great man, but I made the decision long ago to not remain in contact with him as it just hurt too much and I still had feelings for him, but I still miss him very much. I really believed one day he would come back to me and we could be happy with each other again. I knew I was happy and in love with him, but at the end of our relationship I guess he just didn't feel the same. I feel like I just wasn't good enough to make him happy, and his girlfriend now is better and does for him what I apparently couldn't do, even though I felt like I was a great girlfriend and gave him everything I could.Will I ever get over him?
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female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (21 March 2016):
 I feel for you. My boyfriend of 6 years ended it just as we were about to move in together, just a few months ago, so I know exactly how you feel.
It takes time to get over this. You have someone in your life for x amount of time, and suddenly they're not there anymore. It's hard. But you say you don't think about him as much as you did in the beginning. You are progressing with this!! That's good!
I'm 100% fine with my break up. I deleted him and blocked him from ALL social media so I can't torture myself with what's going on in his life. A friend of mine said to me "What happens in his life, no longer effects you" and I remind myself of that every time I wonder. It makes sense to me.
I distract myself. I go out with my friends alot, I make plans with people I lost contact with during the relationship, I've had my hair done, nails done, new clothes, i'm going on holidays with some girlfriends in a few months and moving out!
It's all about finding yourself again. When you're in a long term relationship, you DO lose yourself in that relationship.
And think positively about it! You were NOT ment to be with him. You need to knock him off that pedestal you've put him on and remind yourself of the hurt he caused you. You deserve better, and you WILL have better.
I 100% agree with what Honeypie said about wasting your 20's pining over him. Get out there and live your life! You'll soon stop thinking about him, I promise.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2016):
 I think you will get over him, when YOU are good and ready. Though until you accept that he will NOT come back to you, the longer it will take.
Making plans for weddings and babies is a nice piece of fantasy - plans change, people change.
There is a reason you two broke up, and I don't think it was "just" ONE big argument that made him end it. I think maybe he had outgrown the relationship or no longer wanted the same things as you. OR... he had already met someone else.
People move, and move on at different speeds. He moved faster than you, and it could be be he had "mentally" checked out of the relationship a long while before he broke up with you. Which means he was "over" it by the time you two broke up and thus ready for someone new.
OR he had already MET her and was deciding whether to stay or go. He opted to go.
I have no doubt you were a great GF. Doesn't mean you somehow wasn't GOOD enough or made him happy enough...
Does mean you weren't a great MATCH for him long term.
(in HIS eyes)
There isn't a comparison between YOU and the new GF. It's not a who is "better" at xyz - it's a WHO is a better fit.
I think not keeping on touch is a good thing, but I sense you still keep track of him - through Facebook, friend or whatnot? Am I right? If so, you need to quit it. It's not helping you that you still "sit by the phone" hoping he will come back. It's not going to happen.
Take some time and think it over, what REALLY broke you two up? That might help you move on.
Are you going to waste your 20's pining after a guy who has already moved on? Or find things to do that make YOU happy. Happiness is something you HAVE to find within yourself. Not in a man. Not that you can't BE happy with a guy, but unless you can BE happy on your own, it's going to be hard being happy WITH someone else.
So stop wallowing. It's been 8 months. Time to get back to living your life, going for some of your dreams, time for you to GROW. Don't stagnate.
...............................
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