A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have this friend I have known for two years now. Several months after meeting she confessed that she liked me as "more than a friend", thought I was sexy, smart, wonderful and said she wanted to date me. I was very flattered but am not attracted to her that way. She is very overweight and parts of her personality bother me (she is insecure and brags about herself to compensate).. So I told her I just liked her as a friend and let her down gently. She was upset for a while but seemed to get over it and we have had a good friendship since. We have a lot of friends in common, so I end up seeing her quite frequently. I have been in a serious relationship with a wonderful girl for a year and half now. My friend seemed initially jealous when I started dating her but I thought she was just being a girl and didn't think much of it. The other night we were all out having drinks and my friend got very drunk and began to tell me she never got over me, still found me attractive, told me my relationship was crap and I was an idiot for not giving her a chance. She demanded to know why I never wanted to date her, claiming that me along with everyone else just thinks she's ugly.. and tried to grab my ass and harass me the rest of the night until other friends came over to save me. I haven't spoken to her since.. it's been a week now. I don't know how to proceed with her. Should I tell her to fuck off? Stop talking to her? Forgive her since she was drunk? We have too many friends in common for me to just not hang out if she's there.. any suggestions are appreciated.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2011):
I say don't talk to her for now and when you hang out with friends, just act normal...although, that may be a little difficult at first. She is probably super embarrassed and knows she acted inappropriately. Don't bring it up, let her bring it up (hopefully to apologize). Forgive her this time. But if she makes a fool out of herself repeatedly after this, then it's time to avoid her or tell her to fuck off.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2011):
I'd also say that the best thing you can do is forgive her, and at the same time ensure that she knows she can't do that again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Yeah, that was awkward, bordering on creepy.
How you proceed depends on how close of friends you two are. If you two are close, you need to inform her, gently but firmly, that what she did can never ever happen again, and that if she can't handle just being friends with you, then you're sorry, but you two will have to part ways.
I can't stress to you enough that you need to be firm and gentle. Leave no doubt, but don't put her down. Her talking about you and everyone else thinking she's ugly...don't be manipulated.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I'd say forgive her - because she was drunk, and because I bet now she feels horrible enough for having made a fool of herself and for having been rejected again. It's enough punishment:). Just don't give her any more chances to corner you alone for soul-baring talks when you go out with friends. Keep it light and " social ".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): I wouldn't say anything bad to her, she does not deserve to get hurt. Next time she approaches you just tell her that you are in a serious committed relationship, she will get the hint and give up.
Good luck!
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