A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there everyone I need some help on my relationship. My GF and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. Everything has been going great we moved in together in April of this year and everything was perfect. But today she approched me after work and told me how she wasnt happy with the relationship because she said my job makes things to difficult. She says we dont see each other enough and stuff. She also said that she feels like she cant go ahead and get her career on track cause of where we live ( im not able to move from here cause of my job) she told me all this after work today packed a bag and said shes going to her Moms to think about things for a couple days. I know what this means, but i dont want this....What can i do or say to get her to stay i just cant imagine waking up in the morning and know that she wont be with me anymore.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 It sounds like she has made some sacrifices to be with you and now she is realizing that maybe she should have been more selfish. Careers are very important. If she feels that your location is hindering her job prospects, she will always resent your for it if she stays. Likewise, some partners really want their partners to be present during the day and if the work hours are too long, they simply cannot accept it. Everyone is different and has their own preferences. There is nothing you can do. Let her figure out what she wants to do.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 So is this a break-up because that's what it sounds like?
Reasons:
1.Your job is making it difficult to spend time together.
What is it that you do? Is it really that demanding? Well if you two want to live together then it does pay the bills and it's a part of adult life. To me, this is a poor excuse to ditch you.
2. She can't get her career on track here.
What is this career she's wanting to pursue? And how come she can't start it in that area? This to me is a double standard. She's complaining about your job getting in the way of the relationship, yet she wants to jumpstart her career? When you both have careers your time will be limited, but you'll just have to make it work. Again, sounds like a poor excuse.
Maybe the real reason is she's not liking the area and has made zero friends since living there. Which it can be difficult to pick up and move to an area where you have no friends or family. Some people just can't adjust.
Your there and she doesn't want to be there with you anymore for underlying reasons. The only thing you could do is quit your job to appease her and move back to her place of origin. Which isn't fair to you whatsoever. I think she's being a bit selfish. If she wants to be with you for the rest of her life, then she needs to compromise.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2011):
 can you move halfway between where she needs to be and you need to be so you both commute?
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (28 September 2011):
Unfortunately women often discuss 'marital' problems with girlfriends first, rather than the guy in question, so the man is almost invariably the last to know if his relationship's dysfunctional. At your age being asked to choose between girl and job is a tough one, but if the job's an actual career with good prospects, choose career. Rightly or wrongly, work is how a man defines himself, and his self-respect is tied to how he makes a living. Sacrificing that for a girlfriend causes conflict which leads to the loss of both self-respect and the woman in question. It would be a different situation if she were a wife or partner of some years but you are young and have your way to make, and there will be other women in your life before you meet the right one and settle down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): it's not us you should be asking this question to, it's her.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Well it sounds like either you have to give up your job to be somewhere more convenient for her to work or you're going to have to end things. To be honest though, it seems a bit odd that she'd pack a bag and say this out of the blue before discussing it with you. I think you need to decide if you're willing to move to be with her, and if so let her know.
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