A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for almost two years. It was perfect! Yes we all have our flaws, but thats why I was attracted to him. From the very get go, he knew how I was. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. You can just tell what kind of mood I am in, by my expression or looks.Before we put a title on anything, we talked for about six months. Really got to know eachother. I never thought it would work, he was not my type. We are young we like to have fun, but I never was taken advantage of. There was one time, I had to much to drink. He took me back to my house, tucked me in bed, and put on my favorite movie, and did not touch me. He was very very respectfull. I have never seen this in a male before. He was not just thinking about sex, our connection was on a different level!We started to date, we spent most of our time together. We worked at the same place but different departments. He was always at my house, so after staying the night so much he ended up just moving in.Shortly after we both re-located jobs...He was the first boyfriend I ever let move in. I almost felt we were on such a different level than most couples. Over time him lving with me, did not go well with my roomate who is my sister, so I was constantly being torn. My sister is my blood, and he is my love. It got to be to much tension so there were changes.He moved in with a childhood friend, and his girlfriend. DISASTER! People change over the years, and his girlfriend was just rude. I was back and forth from staying nights with him, and my house. But whatever we stuck it out, rent was cheap, and we made the best out of it. In that time, we spent alot of money on a puppy together, it just seemed like things were soo great! We were the happy married couple with no ring! In this time, we would go out, and have fun. Sometimes I do not relize how much I drink, and I guess I snap. We were at the house, and, this was the first time this happened. I never remember anything but from what I am told. I hate everything, everyone, and I am aggresive. This was his first time seeing me this way, and I guess he did not know how to re-act. We probally were together close to 9 months. Besides that and stupid arguments, here and there and then things got bad, and his roomates girlfriend called the cops on me...... we needed to go!He went back to his parents house. I guess this is wear it started. We still saw eachother, but it was not the same. I guess thats when my fears started coming in.I am a very emotional. Its not that I do not have confidence, I think everyone is out to get me. So how could I find such a great guy! Why is he still with me....The stress of jobs, him lving with his parents, me not having him just all added up. One day he just didnt call. This was not like him, so I think the worst. We finally talk, and he wants a change, and he wants to move... and just crazy. I was blind sided. I did not know what to do, I had no idea... and I did not want to loose him. He moved back in. This was only for about two months, and then his grandmother was sick so he took over her house. When he left, I left. Morning, and night, unless we were at work we were together! Over the next threee weeks to a month, we were on cloud nine. It was just the two of us. No more drama, and if it was there we did not care. It was me and him.A month goes by, and he has two extra rooms, he was thinking of having his boys move in. I was very fearful!! They are going to take all my time, I was just scared! I dont pay rent there, I did not want to intrude. So the first one moves in. Everything is okay... you know its not that bad, then in two weeks, I find out his best friend is finally coming. My emotions are all over, and the best part his girlfriend is coming to. I feel like its going to be a zoo, and no room for me.After work, whether I am going to stay at his house, or not we eat dinner together. It was a normal day, I called to make sure he was there.... I needed to ask him something, so I called back. 15 minutes, and his boy is coming to paint his room. If you had plans just tell me, but there goes my attitude. As I am pulling in he is pulling out to run errands. We talk for a minute. He tells me the key is under the mat, but I can stay, I did not want to hear it, and I had an attitude. I was like whatever, you go have fun...As I was driving home, I relized my attitude was not cool. I called him, I explained, and all I asked him was that he calls me later on to talk. I went to dinner that night with my sister. On the way home he called twice. I was almost about to pull in, so I figured I would drop her off, and then I would call back. When I did, nothing. I gave him like 20 min, nothing. Then 20 min, he answers and he is out with his boy. Its not real late but he gets up early so, why he would do favors pissed me off. There goes my attitude, and he was on his way home, he said he was going to callback. I made it clear that it was important to call me back.... nothing!The next day I am upset. His reasoning for not calling was that I was being a jerk, and he did not want to get yelled at. Whatever... it happend, now you know... I felt like he was not watching out for my feelings. We were not great, but we talked..and like we have done for a little while we just deal with it.Two days go by! He is working late,and I know this so I decide to go out. I had a feeling that he was not going to call, so on my way home I left him a message if he wanted me to drop dinner off, and if he didnt to call me later. At about 10:30 I know he is not working. I just start taking shots, and I get out of control. Nothing will stop me! I am thinking the worst. I had no business driving, but I go to his house, bang on the door, and loose it. I am screaming, calling him names, just dont understand why he could not call me. I dont remember, but I was told I tried to hit him. This is twice. like I said I do not remember, but I left, as I sober up, I know what I did, and I start to panic.I leave him a message that morning, saying I was sorry, and we need to talk, I am just a mess. I finally get a hold on him, and he is furious. He doesnt want to hear what I have to say, he is done, and he tells me his job is taking him (another state). he was at the store, so he said he was going to call back. Now he calls back. We spend an hour on the phone. We are going back and forth. I tell him, I cant take living in fear, and i am going on my medication (anti-depressant). i am asking him for some time, let me clear my head and you do the same. i guess i asked for a break, and he claims thats breaking up. I didnt want it to be over. At the end of the conversation I ask for us to wipe the slate clean, take some time and work this out. He tells me that he cant. I ask him, you dont want this to work or you cant. To me there is a difference. he says I will always love you but I cant. I am crushed. he had some stuff at my house from when he lived here, and he asked if he could come and get it after work. I agreed. I just kept asking for time, I asked dont act out when you are upset or angry.In this time I am talking to my mom. she is worried, I lied to my job and asked for time, i made a doc's appt, but she insits she is driving down to spend time here tomorrow.The thought of being by myself is driving me crazy! So that night I went to see a physic, and get my future. Something, somewhere told me to go. I have been to them before, but something said go. I was sitting there, and they said, you are very hurt, someone left you. She said I have only loved three times, in my life, and my last was my soulmate. She even game me his initials. That did not help! When my mom arrives he should just be getting off work. My mom does not come straight to my house, she waits to give me time with him. Two hours go by! I call him, he was very short. I explain that today is not a good day, and I dont know how long my mom will be here. He is not answering me. In the end I ask him think about our conversation. It was almost left very open.I like a quick fix. I wanted things to change real fast, and it seemed like no one was giving me the advice I wanted. Everyone said its about time, he is not good for you, blah blah, and it made it worse. Or I was getting, just call, just call, but I knew he needed space. My heart was telling me it was not over! It was almost like he was with me, just not physically. All i did was pray.... and the words just kept coming out.12 days went by, and after work I got a call. My heart dropped, I looked at my phone three times before I answered. I though I was dreaming. He asked if he could get his things the next day, but I had a doc's appt, so he asked for the following day. I said baby I think we need to have a convrsation before we exchange things. He asked what i was doing after work, and to meet him at the batting cages.The anticipation was crazy... I was trying to be strong, and not get upset because if I did I could not say the things I wanted. When I first saw him, I had butterflies for the first time in a long time, he never looked soo adorable. Maybe it was I had not seen him, but... i cant explain the feeling. As we were walking he asked me to hold some things, for him and said here i brough you a drink. (silly i know) As we talked I said how sorry I was, and I dont want to act that way, it was not me! I talked about my medication how it has helped me be in control. How we can work this but you have to trust me. He though I packed and left, when my mom came. We talked about the last 12 days, back and forth. I did not feel like the conversation was budging but in my heart I still did not feel it was over. He was done hitting, but I was not done talking, so I asked him if he wanted to go to dinner, he was not hungry. So he said lets go to my house, and talk.Up to this point I was doing okay, untill I saw my puppy, and lost it. I kept saying how I didnt feel right being at his house, but he was so comferting...asking if I wanted to go somewhere else. Then this is when we got into it. I told myself that I was not going to hear no from his mouth. He kept saying he needed to find himself, and so do I, and its the best thing... and I was just not hearing it. I kept saying I want this is be like old times... and all I heard was not right now! He said we could be friends, and I was not having that either. Finally he said okay we are dating, but we have to take this very slow. Mutual boundaries were put in place. No staying at eachother's house...no talking everyday... very slow. I was okay with that, it was better than what I had. In the end I asked for a kiss. He gave me a little one, and said I am hungry lets eat. Just joking I said I want to take you to bed. I tried every way to wait, but nothing stopped him. It was real natural, almost better than normal. We had sex. We were lying there, and I just felt like I was on cloud nine. Very powerful, but perfect!We went to get something quick to eat, and I asked him if he just wanted me to take mine home. He asked why I would do that, but then said I dont have that much time before I need to go to bed.He walked me to my car, gave me kisses, and a real tight hug. He said call me tomorrow night, and we will talk. Goodnight.I waited a while that night to call, just to not push anything. I called and he did not answer... 10 min he calls me back. The conversation was not too long, but just questions. I would call him, when I got home tomorrow, and we would move his stuff, and dinner.I stopped at the store to get dinner, before I called. I got one of his favorite meals to make. I called, and he came over. I am not going to lie, it was akward! Is he going to kiss me, anything... just weird. I asked if he wanted to move, and eat or eat and move? He said I dont have alot of time, his roomate had a friend in town, and he felt bad leaving him. I was sad, but okay with it.After we moved his stuff in his car. I just had a sick feeling. He asked what was wrong, and I told him. I dont have anything here to tell me you are with me ( nothing to look at ). The whole time he was moving he kept saying that he was sorry, but giving me little things. PJ pants, boxers... we were like playing around. Flirting I guess. We were on my back porch, and we were not talking. He asked if I was going to be okay... I said I am just sad, and you didnt even give me a kiss when you came. I got up to go to the kitchen to make dinner, and he says come here. I told him I was not going to ask for his kiss, so I gave him one on the forehead. He pulls me down almost sitting on him, and says give me a kiss. As I am walking to the kitchen he picks me and and kisses, my neck. I keep trying to fight him, and say I have to make you dinner... baby i thought you had to go? he says I know you want me... and takes me to my room. Now this is twice.Its already past the time, he was going to leave, and tells me he is going to go. I was sad, and I said okay..and then he relized what I was going to cook, and said screw it, he can wait. As I was cooking we just were talking, a little more about our conversation. I wanted to know that this is what he wanted, and I didnt push it. He stayed for an hour. As I was walking him to his car, I knew I was not going to see him over the next couple of days... so I asked how we should do this. He did not say he was not going to see me, because he did not know the details, but I did not expect anything. He said he would call, just to see what I was doing. He gave me a kiss, and a tight hug, and me just being me...asked you promise, and he said yes!I gave him over the weekend, and I did not hear from him so I called sunday afternoon. I left a message and asked him to meet me to watch a baseball game.... dont hear anything back.... wait untill 9.... nothing..and i did not leave a msg.Monday night I call and nothing....left him a message because I am worried.... It's been 7 days since I have talked, seen him, or any contact. Could he really lead me on this way, and leave me in the dark...and those last two days??? Why would anyone do that....
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a break, at work, best friend, cheap, confidence, crush, flirt, grandmother, money, moved in, my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (8 June 2007):
 i think the guy decided to just tell you what your itching ears wanted to hear. your rship came to a point that was very sky high for both of you to resolve with a quick fix. he needs space and so do you. take all this time to pull yourself together there were lots of drama going on and i gues he couldnt just forgive and moveon, somebody has to act to stop this craziness. you drink to a point that you dont remember a thing and he suffers do you know how painful that is? having to explain to your partner in the morning as if he/she had amnesia?
i wouldnt want to be in that position and he had been there more than once and it was about time for him to take a stand and i think all you need to right now is to put yourself in his shoes, think of all the embarasment he went thru because of your behaviour before you decide to get a quick fix.
you are not the only one hurting i think he also considered you his soulmate, but now you need to give back the patience he gave you if you really want to cleanup the slate. 7days is too soon. stop any contact with him and allow him to make his own decision without any pressure from you otherwise you will just be giving him all the reasons to stay away from you. if it meant to be your hearts will connect again. now get a new hobby, spend more time with your mother and sister do all the things you always wanted to do. be yourself remember that is the person he fell in love with, so find yourself.
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 maybe he could be using you, coz he knows he can get won't he wants from you as he knows you still like him. or there is still a physical attraction between you both that you can't control. but leave it let him come to you if he promised to see you he should seeyou. stop the texting and ringing him coz thats probably won't he wants leave it and you watch he should call you or come and see you as now you are playing him at his own game. or you should just leave him and move on as he needs time and so do you it not fair on you as you may get worse and might actually hit someone
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