A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I would love for some honest and real advice about how I could possibly deal with possessive in laws. I have been married 4 years now and have always had issues with my gaining my voice and freedom with my in laws. I am from an Indian background where we've always been taught that in laws always come first. Being between generations it's now a shifting change in believing this way of life. When we bought our house my husband ensured we were only 10 mins from his parents which at the time wasn't a big deal until they started coming round every other day. We never really have time to ourselves and they are always fussing over my husband and brining him food etc. My MIL on so many occasions has put me down saying I don't cook for him and I should make his favourites etc. My husband never stands up for me and say yes she does it whatever. But over time I've gotten used to that and understand maybe he can't speak up. Every time he tells that we are going for dinner, they jump in and say we will come too. It's really hard to have any us time. I tried to talk to my husband but he doesn't see it as a problem and thinks it's normal. My family is over an hour away and don't intrude on our plans etc so I get quite upset. When they say they are coming or suggest we should go anfor visit them my husband always argues with me and I end up going on my own on a train. If I chose not to go to his parents my husband and I argue for days and he gives me the silent treatment. We are planning to start a family but I'm so scared that I won't be able to make decisiona for my children or have any time with them. I know it's early but I was looking to plan Xmas at my house this year (like last year) but it's my MILS birthday which we've always celebrated together on Xmas day, with my family and his. But this year she said no and only wants to spend it with us. I'm finding this really hard as my family is really important to me as well and I want to spend Xmas with them too. It's really stressing me out. How do I just be able to pull away from top hat constant tie without upsetting my husband. I want to live my life too and be able to see my family as well. We see his family at least once a week but I can't see mine every month . Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2020): Your biggest problem is that you and your husband do not talk and communicate. It is as though you can talk to us, total stranger, but cannot talk to him. You say he cannot speak up but you are the same. You are becoming a shadow of your former self, losing all of your personality, becoming a shell of a person, so of course he loses interest in you. A man wants a woman with a smile, some sexiness, someone to talk to, to cuddle, not someone who just goes around all quietly like some sort of robot. Much of what you say reminds me of a post I read here recently, could have been written by same person!That lady also did not stand up for herself and made it sound as if she had no choice.Everyone has a choice. In this case you please yourself or you please them. One or the other.If you please yourself you are happy if you please yourself you are also guilty - only you can change that.Nobody else can.You were given good advice, so why moan about things and then not follow the advice?
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