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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm still in love with my ex after 13 years, he was my first love. Not many days pass when I don't think of him, it's been this way for years. Problem is I'm now married with children and I feel like my feelings for my ex are getting stronger and stronger, to the point were I want to confront him about this. This person has been in my mind and heart for 13 years. Help!!!
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female
reader, karenw61 +, writes (29 July 2006):
do you think this is only in your mind and not his
i to am constantly thinking of my ex(its now been 5yrs since he left) and i am only now realising that its me thats hanging on to some thing that has long gone.what do you think???? would love to talk to you more
regards karen
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2006): 13 years is a long time not to have moved on.
13 years is a long time to be married to someone else and be thinking about another.
So rewind.
You split from your ex.
Eventually you met another important man in your life who you married and had kids with.
If you were so desperate for your ex at that time, then why get married? I suggest that maybe you were getting over your ex by then - or even over him. So why so keen again now?
Go back, what did he do? Was it attention? Romance? Spontineity? (someone who could spell?!) Passion? Charm? Money? Sex? Something else? What do you miss? Whatever it is, I'd better my bottom dollar it's something you're not currently getting from your husband.
The others are right about the ex likely to have changed. Do you still see him? You say he has been in your heart and mind, but does that mean he's not been in your life? Maybe that's what changed? He's come back into your life? And he will have changed - and so will have you. Meet up if you need. But don't confess. I'd guess when/if you meet you'd discover he's not the person you remember. 13 years is a long time to remember a relationship differently.
Work on the things you miss with your husband and your kids. You could say to your husband 'when I was younger I really enjoyed [missing factor] in a relationship'. You know along the lines of reminiscing about the past while effectievly telling him the things that were important to you. So for example, if the missing thing is romance, you could say, 'I used to love getting flowers when I was dating because it was so romantic' and see if he picks up on the hints.
Confess your feelings to your oldest trustworthy best friend - one who'll remember a different side to your ex - after all there's a reason he's an ex and not your husband.
Live for today - give up looking back.....
good luck!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (28 July 2006):
 To finish the sentence: It is likely that your ex has changed and has grown very far apart from you.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (28 July 2006):
Martini brings up a really interesting point about how people change over time. It is likely that your ex has changed in a way that
Don't confess your feelings to your ex. He will probably be blindsided, and you will not get the closure you are expecting.
These growing feelings are a proxy for problems that exist within your marriage. Remember, your choices affect the lives other people, namely your husband and your innocent children. Make a bad choice and you could destroy lives. You never say how old your children are, but are you that selfish that you would visit a lifetime of suffering on your children?
Put your energy to uncovering the problems in your marriage instead of living in the fantasy of a perfect relationship with a man who no longer exists.
Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): There's one thing that a lot of people never consider. That is for this instance, the person you were with 13 years ago was someone whom you loved for his qualities 13 years ago. 13 years is a long time for humans, and people change, progress, and upgrade themselves over time. The person you still feel you want/love is not that same person today. Unless of course, he is a stagnant person.
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