A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After 9 or 10 good girlfriends over as many years, I found one where the sex is fantastic, perfect really, but the relationship was not great. I ended the relationship but I can't get over the sex, it was just too great between us. I'm not the type to pick up girls at bars and go for notches in the bed post at all, I like the intimacy. How can I get over this girl? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Now that you describe the woman, I can tell you I was involved with someone just like this some time ago. You mentioned her whining; I can tell you this much: it would never end and, to your comfort, it would only get worse and worse. At some point, you'd blow your top. Believe me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe main problem was that she was very insecure about herself, intelligence, looks, social standing, work etc. Most of the time she was asking me to validate her, to tell her that she was really all these things. I wasn't very good at jumping on command. She'd have a breakdown over something really miniscule like her outfit not looking good or her being fat- the classic stuff and I would say she looked beautiful but it didn't matter what I said and I couldn't say it in a way that would truly make her feel better (as if this is even possible). This was just constant, almost every issue every day was about this. So she never really trusted my love for her and it became very difficult to take all the whining. It was also very difficult to really have normal conversations about anything remotely serious because it always came back to her insecurities. Problems with work or whatever which could have been solved pretty easily always turned into "i'm not good enough to deserve a better job" stuff like that. The communication and the trust was just very difficult. I certainly put a ton of work into trying to "get through to her" but in the end it was obvious that she needed to rely on herself and the easiest thing was to break up with her. I really didn't want to "give up" but I didn't see another choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): Just out of curiosity, why did the rest of the relationship fail? You said she was only really herself when she was having sex with you. So what about the rest of the time, what was she like towards you? Why would it have been extremely hard to make the relationship work?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, Danielepew is correct, I am worried about finding sex this good ever again. The relationship could have worked but it would be extremely hard. I think she was only really herself when we were having sex - confident, loving, communicative, open-minded - and during the other times she was just the opposite. I got hung up on the intimacy and expected her to be the same way in the other parts of our relationship but the reality was different. Now I have regret about losing the sex but also disappointment that the rest of the relationship failed when it could have been just as great.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (22 July 2007):
I agree with the previous poster. However, this is what you need to do if you want this girl back. Your question was not about it, but about how to get over her.
If getting over her is what you want, I think that you need to go the usual way: stop contact, go back to your life, accept that things are this way, et cetera.
Maybe you're worried that you won't find that kind of sex with anyone else, and THIS is what you want to get over. I suppose there will always be someone with whom we can have the best lovemaking possible, but, sadly, it not our match in other areas of the relationship. This would be the way to get over the good sex.
One question, and I don't mean to be judgmental: If the sex was great, but the relationship bad, do you think the relationship would last, anyways?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): I was in a relationship with a guy who I absolutely adored and because of this we had a wonderful sex life and I could totally be myself in bed. However the relationship itself was very rocky due to distance between us and my own insecurity. We split 6months ago, because he said he had met someone local, but told me I would always be the best ever in bed. Well the only reason I was the best ever was because I was so madly in love with him! 6months later I can't even think about being with anyone else and still feel quite hurt because he was not prepared to meet my emotional needs. Anyway just thought I'd give you a girls perspective on things. Maybe you should get in touch with her and talk things through??
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