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female
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anonymous
writes: Please help me out. me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months. I hate his feet which feet arent supposed to be attractive anyways. Sometimes the way he moves his hand up and holds it up i hate it. It reminds me of someone gay. Just little stupid things he does. Although, most of the times after i feel like i don't wanna be with him. Right after i'm in his arms and kiss him. I can feel something between us. He is an amazing guy. I know nobody can be perfect. Tell me what you would do, if it was you. Obviously i will go by what i want to do but just tell me. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): It is apparent that the issue is within you. That is most unkind to say he acts "gay"...this tells that you have a bit of hate going on towards men and this signals that you already are finding ways to treat him bad.
Which one of your parents would tear apart their spouse and children? Which one of your family memebers was enabled to put people down, verbally abuse them, name call, nit pick at everything they do? Who taught you this behaviour?
You are caught up in acting out this Love/hate dynamic as you have witnessed it somewhere in your young life and think that is how relationships are supposed to be. STOP.
Get some counseling.
You know in your heart that this man is amazing but you need to talk out those demons of your past with a counselor.
You need to understand that this isn't good to be treating people and yourself like this.
You need to understand why you do it and then work on fixing it.
Even if this relationship ends; you will still need to address your inner issues.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): Hey
There's a film that you might find interesting called Boomerang (1992) starring Eddie Murphy.
Not exactly the same situation as you but the character (Murphy) leaves women because of their "imperfections" - until this women does the same to him. He comes to find why he was being this way and eventually accepts true love (or something like that; it's been 10 years since I watched it!)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): I will tell you that I am in the exact same situation as you. I have just come out of a very degrading marriage. I keep looking for little excuses to push him away. But, I will tell you that we have been together now for 5 months and those small irritations are starting to fade away as I am now falling in love with him. Just give yourself time and realize what you are doing. Tell yourself not to think about the little things that bother you.
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female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (25 August 2006):
 Nobody is perfect hunny. The thing is when I got with my boyfriend I saw past his faults because I liked him too much. For example when I have dated blokes before I would notice something simple like a white head on his face and I was put off. But when my boyfriends got one it doesnt bother me at all, I just get rid of it for him. I think that you should realise that you don't love your boyfriend in that way but you care about him as a friend. End it now before someone I.E he gets hurt. You don't want him as a boyfriend but just as a friend. Good luck
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reader, bonym +, writes (25 August 2006):
 No one is perfect, we all have some defect or something about us that either we or our partners dont particularly like, if you truly love him and want to be with him, something as irrelevant as his feet will not be a major issue. But if you dont love him enough then why are you together. Take care. xxx
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reader, MadameRazz +, writes (25 August 2006):
 I'd just give it time.
Simple.
x
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female
reader, layla +, writes (24 August 2006):
 tell him the things that irritate you and say that you want some space. I can see that you dont realy want him around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the one who posted this
i am not saying i don't want to be with him because of his feet or because of little things that make him seem gay. I will deal with it because i know there is that spark there when we kiss or hug or hold each other. I think most of it is because i am used to getting treated very badly in relationships so i think i'm finding all of these little things that nobody else would care about to break up with him and be with someone who will treat me bad because i think that's the way it is supposed to be. I told him to stop being so nice and i was happy. I know it might sound a little crazy but believe me if you went through bad relationships like i did you would understand and i am not looking for you to tell me to stay with him. i think i worded things wrong and i was wondering if you can help me out more since i explained it more. Sorry for that
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): if it's only two months into your relationship and you already have feelings of not wanting to be with him, then you probably shouldn't be with him (fairly obvious conclusion there). it's not fair to either of you. but like you said, you're gonna do what you want to do...
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reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 It sounds to me that you don't really want this guy around. Everyone has faults. . . even me, LOL, but if you care for him, his feet should be the least of your concerns (even if he looks gay, doing whatever it is he does, LOL). Tell this guy that you're looking for the perfect match for you and that he's not it. Don't blame his feet though. He might develop a complex. GOOD LUCK!!!
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reader, camille +, writes (24 August 2006):
 IF I was you, I'd realise that I obviously don't love him if tiny things were irritating me that much after only 2 months! Some people LOVE feet by the way, and some of us that don't, still do love the feet on the end of the man we love's legs!
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