A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey guys. About 5 months ago me and my bf came out to each other. We were best friends and did everything together...and about a month ago we started being a couple. We get a long great and everything flows but he's a little shy. When it comes to being physical, he doesn't want anything to do with it. We're not out to anyone else yet but our close friends because it's pretty much obvious with the amount of time we spend together. So because we're not out it makes him even more hesitant to show affection. But even when we're alone it scares him to hold my hand or kiss me. I always have to make the move if i wanna make out with him. It's not like I'm asking him to have sex.. I would never pressure him into anything like that. We're both not ready for that level yet. But It'd be nice if he was more confident in our relationship and get into it more. He's alright whenever we're doing normal things but he gets nervous with the slightest bit of physical contact. How do I get him to be more comfortable around me and to let his guard down? I just really like him and show it by giving him affection and I would like it back too. Give me your thoughts please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers so far. Just to clear some things for Rivi..I was never looking for sex as I said in my question, and we're not just best friends...we're actually together, we're just not out to the rest of the world. But thank you for both of your advice. :)
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (26 July 2010):
Well to be honest it sounds to me like he could be a closet straight boy.
Or he could be totally conflicted about being gay ( if he is, in fact, gay).
Your best bet i would say is to stop trying to initiate physical touching / hugs / whatever and just be best friends for the next say year or so.
If he doesn't get horny and want to hold you / kiss you etc during all that time then probably he isn't gay after all and you will have to seek that kind of self-expression and sexual satisfaction with someone else.
Just having a best friend is not a bad thing after all ! And you have plenty of time ahead of you for sex in the future.
be glad you have a best friend and stop worrying about the sex.
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A
female
reader, blue_eyes1981  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 Have you not thought that maybe he is not as into it as he says. Perhaps "coming out" was a way for him to make sense of his feelings maybe he's scared of any of the physical stuff as he is not sure where it will lead. He's young you both are maybe just back down on the physical stuff just tell him that if he feels he wants to kiss you then he is free to and you'd be flattered if he would but if he doesn't want to kiss or be kissed then that's okay too. Maybe he is feeling some pressure from you (even if you are sure you are putting none on) a chat may work things out. x
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