A
female
age
41-50,
*andygirl_iraq
writes:My boyfriend and I have been on hiatus for about 2 weeks. I have posted my problem here before, and I do admit that my insecurities did end our relationship. The past week has been good. We are talking as friends and he keeps emphasizing that friends is all we are now which ofcourse hurts badly. I have been talking to people online,taking semi-therapy to reach for the roots of my insecurities in an effort to change to a better,more positive person. I thought he saw that change. 2 nights ago he had a crazy house party. My bf is not the crazy wild party like guy,infact he has only gone back to drinking recently. However,this was a crazy party as I sensed how drunk he was when he came online and talked to me. Today he tells me that while he was talking to me online,a girl asked him if i was his gf,he told her the story and then a drunken kiss happened. Needless to say I was very shocked. I know he is not the casual -love kind of guy.At first he was so full of himself and said I have no right to be mad because we are just friends,and now he is free. Later on he told me that it wont happen again,and he has no feelings for her nor will a relationship start. After that he told me she kissed him and it was just a few seconds, and finally he asked me to forget about the whole thing because he has forgotten about it. Still,he didnt say he was sorry,nor did I feel remorse. Infact all he kept saying is that we are not together,and he reminded me how faithful he was during the entire year we shared.I said I understand that but I cant sit and watch him kiss drunk girls while Im working hard to change so we can save our relationship,and asked him to stay single until he sees if it can workout between us or not.He replied "ok i will do that,but you havent changed at all..we're not even together and ur still making rules". I did feel in our final words that he was acting like he wanted me to let go of it,but i couldnt talk normally to him. He tried talking to me also a few hours after that but I ignored him. What do I do now? Do I let it pass? Was it really a drunken mistake? Do I have the right to be so upset or are we just friends like he says?? And do I let go? I clearly still love him ,and I do trust him if he tells me he wont repeat it. We had a serious,wonderful relationship and he never once hurt me in any way.I really need him back, he isnt the kind a girl should let go of. At the same time Im hurt to the core. I cant believe he kissed someone else,even if drunk and even if she jumped on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): everyone make mistakes.
maybe he invented that up to see if you care.
maybe it was a mistake and he is sorry as he said.
i think you should discuss your situation as a couple, and see if you can be together, forget about that mistake for a while, are both willing to be together or not? that what you need to answer.
for you can you forgive him that, do you accept what he want you to change,
you need to discuss it all together.
good luck
A
female
reader, candygirl_iraq +, writes (26 July 2010):
candygirl_iraq is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe says now it was very wrong and stupid,and he if he could take it back he would. I dont know why he is saying this. I wish he would just make it clear that he doesnt want me back instead of playing games with me.I dont understand how 2 ppl who love eachother this much can hurt eachother so much. I dont see a solution better than letting go.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 The most important thing is that you know you are feeling better and more confident of yourself. Whether this relationship would work out in the end is secondary. Even as a friend he's insensitive. What's the use of telling you a drunken girl kissed him, and then telling you you haven't changed because you were jealous?" He should be encouraging you to feel better, not finding opportunities to put you down. Part of being secure and confident is to find the people you can feel secure and confident with.
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A
female
reader, blue_eyes1981  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 This man has made it quite clear to you that friends is all you and he can be. I know only too well how insecurites can end relatiosnhips and it's no fun to see your ex moving on.
If you think you can handle just bening friends and not getting upset when he does kiss another girl then great but if you will constantly pull him up for it then maybe it is best that you are not friends at all. Ex or not he wont want a friend telling him what he can or can't do. Sorry hun but it is easier to let go completely.
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