| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, Really need help! Broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years about a month ago. And it was my decision so I know I should get over it but I can’t. He understands me, loves me and believes in everything that I do. Everyone wants a boyfriend like him and can’t understand why it I did. For example- I was ill on holiday and stayed in bed all day so he went shopping and spent a fortune on a necklace I liked to cheer me up. He was always looking after me. He’s really family orientated whereas I’m quite career motivated which is why I struggled being in such a serious relationship. He was my best friend for about a year before we got together. He wants to move in and engaged but the thought just freaked me out and I don’t know why. This wouldn’t matter so much but as we live 200 miles apart moving in is the only way to stay together. The distance makes breaking up so final. I’m kind of grieving since I have to come to terms with the fact I’m never go see him again. If I was 5 years older I’d marry him tomorrow! But should I let age and career put me off?? Am I going to regret this for the rest of my life?Sorry, kinda long message. Any advice appreciated. Thanks xxxx
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female
reader, sheffield_pink +, writes (14 December 2006):
You just have to believe that you're reasons are good enough. If you don't then you'll always regret it. Alot of people believe that they've found 'The One', but if you'd have lived in a different country you'd have found someone else. What I'm trying to say is that there's not just one person out there for everyone. You'll find someone else when the timing is right and probably when you least expect it. It may have been good when you were together, but you can have that with someone else, even though at this moment you dont feel it.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 This question made me so sad... for you and for your boyfriend.
It sounds like, to me - you really love your boyfriend, and you know that you could have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship with him after you take sometime to concentrate on YOU and your life. I don't think that wanting to pursue a career is selfish or anything right now... I think you're being very responsible in looking to better yourself in that regard.
I think maybe you should ask him to just take a break from the relationship for awhile. Maybe that means not calling as often, or something. Just take a year for yourself, to work on your career - get a plan for the next few years. Then after you have figured all that out, you can start up your relationship again.
I would ask him if this not be "goodbye"... but a "I'll see you soon". Maybe iinstead of calls or visits, ,you could spend the year writing letters to each other. That way you can keep the relationship alive, but still ease off while you give yourself time to grow.
I think, in time, you'll be able to commit to him. It's just a LITTLE too soon.
Soon enough, sweetness.
xxIndia
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