A
male
age
30-35,
*anAfterChrist
writes:Hey y'all. Sorry I haven't been giving advice too much lately, I just haven't been online too much this summer.Anyways, I'm having a little emotional dilemma.My best friend is a woman. Our relationship is closer than any relationship I've ever had before, male or female. We've pretty much always maintained that we would never date; we were too close of friends and just didn't see each other that way. I maintained that attitude amongst our friends and families, and believed that I had no romantic feelings for her for a long time.Well, some mutual friends have really started pushing me to date her. It's NOT one of those "Hey, she told me she liked you so here's the hint" type things. It's more of a "She's had a lot of bad guys, we all know you two would be perfect together. Date." type situation. And the more I was confronted with it, the more I asked myself how I felt about it. The more I thought about it... well, the more I realized I had honestly been suppressing some romantic feelings towards my friend.I've been told by countless people that a man cannot be JUST friends with a woman. I never believed it. But now, I'm starting to believe the Dave Matthews quote: "A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”.I don't want to ruin anything. But I also don't want to be standing there at her wedding wondering "Why did I let this pass by?"I have absolutely no idea where she stands in this. If I were to wager a guess, I would assume she is totally not interested in anything romantic. I'm about 80% certain that I at least want to talk to her about it. We've always been open with each other, and I'd like to keep it that way. I guess my question has two parts:1) Do you think my decision is wise to try and date her, even though we have an incredibly deep emotional connection that could potentially be ruined?2) If yes, and I go for it: If she isn't interested at all, how can I assure her that I will still always be there for her as a friend? And I will maintain pure friendship without my romantic bias getting in the way. If no, and I don't go for it: How do I make certain that I have no ulterior motive while giving her advice in the future? For example, if she talks about a new potential boyfriend, how can I take out my bias and accurately assess him and the situation?Thank you for the responses.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (27 July 2010):
ManAfterChrist is verified as being by the original poster of the question One can only hope ;)
TBH, I was nervous I'd just blurt out too much and freak her out. I'm taking it slow, and hoping the same thing that happened to me will happen to her. Plant the idea... and let it grow. Thanks for the answer!
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (27 July 2010):
 she probably wasnt sure if you were serious or not, if you were just mentioning it casually, but thats a great way to get the idea in her head! haha, she probably is pondering over the idea of you and her now. hopefully :)
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (27 July 2010):
ManAfterChrist is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Lindy. I will let you know what comes of it. I hinted at it today, and told her "I just want you to know, just because it's never actually been said between us before, that I would date you if the opportunity arose."
She kinda laughed it off, we'll see if anything happens in the future.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (27 July 2010):
I've been in this situation with my friend Pete before. Him and I were really close and we'd talk and connect in a way that I never have before with anyone else. My story doesn't have a happy ending, he didn't feel the same. But eventually I did tell him, in person, we had a talk. But the bright side is, I don't have to wonder 'what if' anymore or ever. And guess what, we still have that amazing connection and are still best friends.
Also, when you hear that someone only wants to be friends with you, its easier to move on from the idea of them becoming something more. And if you and your friend are this close, it shouldn't be an issue that you two will not be friends if you tell her how you feel.
My advice is to tell her because life is all about taking risks. Sometimes the result is bad and sometimes its good. For me, it was bad, but for you who knows.
but don't go through life letting things like this pass you by, you don't want to always wonder 'what if'.
and about the last bit you asked, as long as your genuine with your advice to her it won't be a problem. If you care about her you will want to see her happy, no matter who she is with, as long as she is happy. I talked to Pete about other girls and at first, it was hard to but as time goes by things eventually go back to normal.
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