| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'd say I'm fairly young at my age, and I've had very little contact with the opposite sex as I'm quite shy.My question has more to do with curiosity and confusion. It seems to me that women don't seem to like men all that as much, and that they could be better off by themselves.There are songs made for women, poems for women, men seem to get out of their way to impress women. So much of what I see is for women that it seems humorous to think of poems made for men. I see very little from the other side.I'm sure I could be wrong, and I don't wish to offend any of the ladies here. I'd just like to hear something in depth on this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): Good question. The relationship between the sexes always seems to be a love-hate relationship. It will always be like that. The battle of sexes will never end. But we will always need each other.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Believe your own eyes they do not lie.
Woman wants to be equal to man, and when they do both will cease to exist.
The Emperor's New Clothes
by Hans Christian Anderson
Once upon a time there lived a vain Emperor whose only worry in life was to dress in elegant clothes. He changed clothes almost every hour and loved to show them off to his people.
Word of the Emperor's refined habits spread over his kingdom and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the Emperor's vanity decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the gates of the palace with a scheme in mind.
"We are two very good tailors and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to weave a cloth so light and fine that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
The chief of the guards heard the scoundrel's strange story and sent for the court chamberlain. The chamberlain notified the prime minister, who ran to the Emperor and disclosed the incredible news. The Emperor's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two scoundrels.
"Besides being invisible, your Highness, this cloth will be woven in colors and patterns created especially for you." The emperor gave the two men a bag of gold coins in exchange for their promise to begin working on the fabric immediately.
"Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for a loom, silk, gold thread and then pretended to begin working. The Emperor thought he had spent his money quite well: in addition to getting a new extraordinary suit, he would discover which of his subjects were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise prime minister, who was considered by everyone as a man with common sense.
"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the Emperor told him, "and come back to let me know."
The prime minister was welcomed by the two scoundrels.
"We're almost finished, but we need a lot more gold thread. Here, Excellency! Admire the colors, feel the softness!" The old man bent over the loom and tried to see the fabric that was not there. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.
"I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If the prime minister admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his office.
"What a marvelous fabric, he said then. "I'll certainly tell the Emperor." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More thread was requested to finish the work.
Finally, the Emperor received the announcement that the two tailors had come to take all the measurements needed to sew his new suit.
"Come in," the Emperor ordered. Even as they bowed, the two scoundrels pretended to be holding large roll of fabric.
"Here it is your Highness, the result of our labour," the scoundrels said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most beautiful fabric in the world is ready for you. Look at the colors and feel how fine it is." Of course the Emperor did not see any colors and could not feel any cloth between his fingers. He panicked and felt like fainting. But luckily the throne was right behind him and he sat down. But when he realized that no one could know that he did not see the fabric, he felt better. Nobody could find out he was stupid and incompetent. And the Emperor didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.
The farce continued as the two scoundrels had foreseen it. Once they had taken the measurements, the two began cutting the air with scissors while sewing with their needles an invisible cloth.
"Your Highness, you'll have to take off your clothes to try on your new ones." The two scoundrels draped the new clothes on him and then held up a mirror. The Emperor was embarrassed but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved.
"Yes, this is a beautiful suit and it looks very good on me," the Emperor said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."
"Your Majesty," the prime minister said, "we have a request for you. The people have found out about this extraordinary fabric and they are anxious to see you in your new suit." The Emperor was doubtful showing himself naked to the people, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent.
"All right," he said. "I will grant the people this privilege." He summoned his carriage and the ceremonial parade was formed. A group of dignitaries walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of the people in the street. All the people had gathered in the main square, pushing and shoving to get a better look. An applause welcomed the regal procession. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the Emperor passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.
Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the Emperor's new clothes. They're beautiful!"
"What a marvellous train!"
"And the colors! The colors of that beautiful fabric! I have never seen anything like it in my life!" They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see the clothes, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted.
A child, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the carriage.
"The Emperor is naked," he said.
"Fool!" his father reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his child and took him away. But the boy's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:
"The boy is right! The Emperor is naked! It's true!"
The Emperor realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He though it better to continue the procession under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his clothes was either stupid or incompetent. And he stood stiffly on his carriage, while behind him a page held his imaginary mantle.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 December 2008):
 I have one for you, Diovan, but it's by a man. It's called "Nosotros", "We".
Listen to me,
There's something I want to tell you.
that you might not be expecting.
A painful thing, maybe
Listen to me, because
if it hurts in my soul,
I need to talk to you,
and I will.
We, who were so sincere [with each other]...
we who have been loving each other from the moment we met...
we, who made of love a beautiful sun, a divine romance.
We, who love each other so much,
we must go our separate ways. Don't ask me why.
This isn't because I don't love you.
I love you with my soul.
I swear to you that I adore you,
and it is in the name of that love
and for your own good
that I say goodbye".
The man had tuberculosis when that was an incurable disease. I understand that it wasn't even treatable, really. He was like twenty-three, and the disease did kill him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): And I have another female singer, but I can't mention her because she's sick through love at the moment, and people are being very cruel to her... "Tears dry on their own" or "Fade to Black" is all I can say, cause I'm very defensive about her and her pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Hey Tigerlily you just read out my record collection. But you forgot one of the greatest.. Janis Joplin,, anything from Janis Joplin, look her up on you tube and you'll see a woman speaking directly from her heart about real life pain...Listen to "To love somebody" or "Piece of my heart", then read her autobiography and maybe you'll see how many sad songs there are by women, women talking about real experiences of pain and disappointment.... Poor Janis, poor Billy.. dead, and love and men killed them...
Sorry honeypie.. I know you said deep, but I was trying to avoid it... rejection, abuse, and ill advised love can destroy lives and make people very hurt and bitter.
Foreign songs... that's a little harder Daniel.. Nina Simone's "Ne Me Quitte Pas", stuff by Edith Piaf like "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien", any of the French songs from the 19th century about the lives of prostitutes, discarded, rejected and old, can't remember the singer but the french are famous for their sad female chanteuse...
Jamaican reggae tunes.. nope.. we only got songs about "Destroy the bastard that did you wrong", or "I'm hurting but I'll get over it and watch him crawl on his belly like the rat he is." But that's a cultural thing.
Foreign speakers will have to submit their own sad women's songs, but for every sad man you here, there are a hundred women who went there first...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 December 2008):
I have always liked Eyes and now I like her even more :-).
Tigerlily, we are bound to have some small disagreements. Women are no mind readers, that's true, but they are very, very good at seeing through a man. We think we're hiding our intentions very well, and they have already held roundtables to discuss them. Maybe the poster won't get a girl because he's shy and that turns girls off, but not because they can't tell what his intentions are.
Only in very particular cases do women really not know what to do. Usually, when they have a lot to lose if they make a mistake. As in "Do I leave this husband to go for this guy who makes all this signs he likes me? I need to know for sure whether this guy is really into me".
Poster, do some research about women's signs they like you. You might get to know them well, but here's my two cents to you (thanks for the wonderful summary, Smiles): the basic problem is: are they attracted to you, or do they just find you attractive? That you will know when you forget about shyness and follow Eyes' advice. Some will reject you. Who cares?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 December 2008):
 I love men, I love you. I even wrote you a little poem:
Some men are shy,
Some men are sly,
I spoke to Cupid,
He thinks your premise is stupid.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (27 December 2008):
For Danielpew... you need to listen to Salt-n-Pepa's "Shoop"... oh yes, we WILL sing about your "assets"...
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (27 December 2008):
Hi again... I had another thought. You said you are quite shy. Shy men can be tough. How is a woman to tell the difference between a man who is shy and a man is disinterested or ignoring her? Women are no more mind readers than men, though lots of men certainly make us try hard. We don't know what you are thinking of you don't tell us.
Even in these modern times, I think the general rule is women prefer to be pursued by a man. I usually let a man make all the moves in the beginning, that way I can know he is genuinely interested, instead of just responding to my interest. Women give off subtle hints to encourage men. If you are too shy to act on those hints, women may feel rejected and frustrated and maybe that's why you get the whole "women don't like men" vibe.
I am dating a shy man right now. He calls me, but won't leave a voicemail. Even though I KNOW he is just being shy and not knowing what to say, a part of me feels a bit hurt like, what, you can't be bothered to say something? I think perhaps if you work up the courage to be more outgoing with women you might get a much different perspective on how women feel about men.. maybe even you! Take the chance. Also, maybe do some research on what women's subtle signs of interest are. Then you won't miss them when they happen and end up with frustrated angry women on your hands. :-)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 December 2008):
Tigerlily, then the problem must also be one of "age" and "culture". Of all the singers you mentioned, I just "heard" about Sarah McLachlan and Sinead. And then only Sinead sung when I was young :-).
And then, those are all singers who sing in English. However, the poster must be a speaker of English, too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): It seems a day when people are trying to say the same thing in different words.
I loved both of your answers Ms.Lestat and TigerLily.
Dear Poster,
I have a favorite line from Jerry Maguire where Reese says,"I love the enemy".That line sums it very well.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (27 December 2008):
You don't think women write love songs for men? Listen to Alicia Keyes sing Butterflyz... Billie Holiday When a Woman loves a Man... Dusty Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man... Macy Gray I Try... Mary J. Blige Be Without You... Sade Cherish the Day... Sarah McLachlan's I Love You or Trainwreck... Sinead O'Conner's Nothing Compares to You. If you want Poems written by women for men try Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Perhaps since you are young, you are just looking at modern culture.
Women love men. As a woman, I can attest to this. What you may be picking up on in our modern culture may be women wounded by men they tried to love who rejected them, lied, used them and walked away. These days, it seems to us women that men don't want to love us, or date us, get to know us or care about us... they just want to "hook up" no strings... friends with benefits... use us for sex and throw us away. This hurts, and so women have taken to pretending they don't care. But deep down, we wonder why YOU don't love US. We have learned that if we pretend not to like you, then you will chase us. And if we show a man that we care, chances are he will run away.
Listen to the lyrics of songs women sing these days... it's everywhere. Danity Kane's Damaged. Leona Lewis' Better In Time. Rhianna's SOS. Katy Perry's Hot N' Cold, Beyonce's If I Was a Boy. All songs of women who tried to love a man and got their hearts broken for it.
So if you are a man missing women showing their affection and fondness of men, you need to look at how your own sex treats us to see why we behave the way we do. Does that help?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Sorry some of that dosen't make sense.. lol.. MOST WOMEN LIKE MEN A LOT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Oh sorry babes, so sorry, that's why I get angry sometimes we the things we women say. It's anger, a lot of anger. Most men like men very much, in fact we like men too much, and it seems that men don't like us back. We try to make them love us, we try to look beautiful, we try to treat them nice and we love them with all our heart. But it seems like a lot of men don't need us. They buy magazines with naked women and would prefer to stare at them instead of us, they look at other girls, they cheat, they don't buy us presents, they don't care when we cry, they don't respect our opinions, they prefer to watch football rather than talk... the list goes on.
Not all women think like this, just some. Not all men behave like this, just some. But it hurts, and so we make jokes, we sing songs, we try to pretend we don't need anyone, we pretend that we would rather be alone. That's not true, most women (not all) feel more beautiful and happy when they are in love with somebody who love us and treats us well... But when you can't have what you want, well then you reject it and pretend you don't care or didn't want it anyway. A lot of hurt happens in life honeypie, and it's the nice guys like you that get caught out and insulted for things you didn't do. I'm so sorry you get caught up in the pain and the bitterness of some badly damaged people, men and women who have been hurt by love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): The guy that posted -by me.
Your the guy that posted,
and its such a shame to see.
Lost all hope in women,
where's your humanity?
Women think there special,
like everybody are.
They need to feel adored,
and to be the shining star.
If a woman was to prove her love,
and give her guy that feeling.
Most wouldn't see the thoughts and dreams,
that make her so appealing.
Guys just cant appropriate,
the art of these fine words.
And those who do can sing there praises,
to there one and only love bird.
Thats for you.
Girls like to be chased and guys love chasing them. some dont but when you find that person you will. Women do like guys (most) and the human raise cant exactly live without us lol.
All the best xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 December 2008):
No need to go too deep here.
I've heard poems for men, only they are not the ones you would publish in anthologies :-), and they are not intended to praise anyone, but to have some fun. It seems too girly for a male poet to make a poem for Frankie's eyes; it was much better to compose a song for Bette Davies. And I don't think you will find a woman singing "Oh, that single, unique penis of yours, makes me tremble like no other, like a maesltrom in a fjord". They will write something like "O gods, was he a gentleman". Maybe you will here something like the anti-hero in "Copacabana": "He wore a diamond".
As to women liking men that much, some do, and some don't. Mae West was very concise in this regard: "So many men, so little time...". For the opposite opinion, you can talk to many women.
As to whether women would be better off by themselves, some would, some aren't.
I'm sure the ladies didn't take offense for this. Don't be shy and you will "increase the likelihood of contacts, sexual or otherwise", with the sex of the opposition, I mean, the "opposite sex".
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