A
male
age
36-40,
*ey
writes:I need some advice on how to deal with my girl friend. I'm 22 and she is my first love. I'll try to paint a full picture for you by telling you a bit about her personality. A lot of the time she can be self centered, rude, spoiled, and egocentric, but when she's not any of those things shes sweet, spontaneous, and funny. However, more often than not she's the former. I can understand her being spoiled because her family is extremely rich and she's the only girl so she gets spoiled A LOT. (Her brother is a REALLY famous Actor/Comedian, but I'm not gonna drop any names)I just want you to get a feel for her life and who she is in as much detail as possible. She is basically my first love, my first everything and I'm trying my best to make it work between us. We broke up once then got back together, but every now and again I start to feel I don't know if this is the right word for it, but "Cheated". Because I give her 100% percent of me all the time, I spend all my money on her, I give her my full undivided attention, everything a boyfriend is supposed to do and be I am and I'm beginning to feel very unappreciated because she doesn't do any of that for me. She's never once bought me anything or made any sort of grand gesture of her love for me. For Example...she's away at college and she comes home every couple of weeks to get her hair done from a specific salon in our town that she loves. I get that she hates our town more than anything on the planet and her family annoys her so she can't ever leave fast enough...but as my girlfriend am I wrong to expect her to at the very LEAST come by and see me before she makes that 3 hour drive back to school? I just got off the phone with her and she's like "I'm coming home on Thursday" and I'm like "Are you coming by to see me?" and she goes "I don't know, probably not. Depends on how I feel." I'm like WTF? I haven't seen her in months, are you seriously going to be in my direct vicinity and NOT come see me? She did that the last time she was in town as well and it really made me question my feelings for her. I mean, I once stole my mothers car and drove 3 hours to come see her (A gesture made more grand by the fact that I hate driving and have never done anything like that before) and she can't even stop by and come see me when she's in town? That is extraordinarily fucked up if you ask me. The situation makes me a little incredulous and at times despondent. I'm a really great guy and I treat her for lack of a better analogy "Like a Princess", but I don't know how long I can continue putting 100% of myself into her and this relationship when she gives me something close to 55%. I mean, she says she loves me, but I ask you...wouldn't you come see your significant other if you hadn't seem them face to face in months and they were like 5 minutes away? If she doesn't come see me while she's here i think I'm going to break up with her for good. It's just too stressful and taxing for me to continue to invest so much of my time and love in someone who won't reciprocate wholeheartedly and unconditionally the way I do for her. One more thing about her that pisses me off is her habit of just hanging up the phone while we're talking. I mean, no bye whatsoever, just *click* and she's gone. That's extraordinarily annoying. I don't think she does it to be an ass, but its just annoying as hell. It's hard because I love her unconditionally with all my heart and I constantly over look her flaws and foibles, because thats what you do when you love someone, right? Could you all please give me your insight? I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.
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male
reader, thisthatyo +, writes (12 December 2008):
its hard but... if you love it, let it go. if you loves you back, it will come back.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Mate, I've just been in a slightly one sided relationship myself. It was me always phoning her and not the other way around etc etc... I ignored this fact and others, thinking 'oh it must just be the way she is' but then she ended us and i felt rubbish. When you think about it, if she wants to call you/come see you, she will. if she doesn't, then well, its a sign alright. i thought about ending us a lot earlier, and i should have because i saw the signs of things to come and i didn't act on them. i only have myself to blame, and maybe that hurts more now than the breakup.
You say you haven't seen her in months, even though she comes near you. Think this tells you all you need to know, end things now to save yourself pain later on.
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A
male
reader, Rey +, writes (5 November 2007):
Rey is verified as being by the original poster of the question I feel as though she doesn't put me first in the relationship and this has made me feel unappreciated because she's my #1. I spend all my money on her and I do everything she asks of me. I give her everything I have including my attention. I give her 110% and I feel like she's only giving me 55%. Her not coming to see me makes me feel like she's lying when she says she loves me. It's inexcusable. I feel.
If she does it again. I'm going to break up with her once and for all. It's really upsetting, but I know I deserve someone who will treat me better. This is her last chance. If she does it again we're through for good. Life is too short to waste it being unhappy and unappreciated.
I will let you know how everything plays out after the weekend. If she comes all the way here and doesn't see me a second time I'm totally going to break up with her and this time I won't feel bad about it. Because I know I was the best boyfriend ever. I do everything for her and she does nothing for me.
Coming by my house on your way out of town is the SMALLEST gesture you can make and she didn't even do that! This weekend is her absolute last chance. I'll tell her I want to see her and that I love her, but if she does it again that's the end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Right, I'm only young but I can tell you this: I know how it feels to be in your first relationship and it is not easy, and basically depends on how much you love her, make a list of good points and bad points and see if there are more of the good than bad and, yes, this might sound horrible but if you feel like you're getting the cold shoulder and don't know if this relationship is actually going somewhere, then drastic times call for drastic measures.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007):
Only you can really know if she loves you. I was in a relationshp in which I thought that if I showed someone unconditional love and loved them more than myself (to the point I made myself miserable knowing that they wouldn't make those same grand gestures )that they must have to feel the same.
This didn't happen instead they could not handle me and my complaining I wish I'd got out before I got my heartbroken but I was blinded by my own feelings of such pure love.
You have the chance to step away and say to her that you love her but that she needs to show you the same and then tell her you want sometime apart.
In this time do things for yourself and don't think about her, you're not doing any wrong by this especially if she can't even bother to come see you.
If she doesn't come back begging for forgiveness or show you she does care then obviously she isn't mature or considerate enough to deserve you.
It will be hard but its the best for you and at least you wont deal with the thought of her dumping you.
Don't feel guilty you're not deserting her if she has her own problems I'm sure she'll be aware that you gave 100%and tried to be supportive. Only she can sort herself out.
She might come back she might not but there is no doubt in my mind that there are many people out there who will want you and show you this 100%.
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A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Your right in the description she is a spoiled stuck up brat basically.Ok that may have been a little harsh, but from what you have said i can not understand why you are still there.Love is a feeling that consoles between two people that would basically die for the other, its sounds to me like she wouldnt even give you the time of day.I guessing at this point in your head you are getting defensive and sticking up for her. Yes you do care for her, but do you really want to spend your life continuing like this. If she has no time for you why should you put all your engegy into something she basically cannot be arsed with?Sit down and think about this....How easy is it for someone to say I love you?If you loved someone how would you show them this?When was the last time she did anything nice for you?When was the last time did you anything nice for her?How did she react?Think of all the reasons why you think you love her?Now look at the answers you have given and then decide....Do i deserve to be treat like this? Can i do better? And last but not least, What exctly would i lose from leaving this girl?Hope this helps Keep me updated pleasePeaches
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A
female
reader, without_reason +, writes (5 November 2007):
 It seems to me that she's a bit of an attention seeker.. When she hangs up the phone, she wants you to call back, and when she says she probably won't see you, she wants you to question why.. I think she does want to see you, you said before that she finds her family annoying.. So you're probably the main reason for her to want to come down.Also, the distance may be the cause for the attention seeking, and because she doesn't see you that often, she may believe that if she was the hang up, she will get the attention (I'm in a long-distance relationship and I know that if I hang up on my boyfriend, I will get attention.)I'd have a talk with her, and try and get her to understand how her behaviour is affecting you. If she doesn't change, consider ending the relationship.. You may look over her flaws now.. But will you still be able to for another year.. 5.. 10.. 30 or more years?Hope this helps :]x
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