A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am not okay with myself. I've been told to be positive and that the situation I am in is not the end of the world by many people but it doesn't help. My Mother and family tear me down at every chance about how much of a failure I am and ask how am I able to live with myself? while I am living this life. The truth is that I am barely above water and occasionally feel myself drowning in shame and sorrow. My story is that I repeated two years of high school, flunked out of college and failed multiple courses, all together this means I will have taken at least seven years to complete a four year degree, with a disappointing GPA and at least five years after my friends, classmates and age mates have completed their degrees, while they attended better schools and did much more challenging majors. I've read about how we shouldn't compare ourselves to other people but the people around me do it more than enough for me and it really hurts because I am very self aware and hate my position in life.I find it very hard to be positive about my life and my future. It feels like anything I do is pointless and I can no longer "improve" myself. Over the past few years I have gained an immense amount of weight and am now obese and it has started to affect my health. My experiences have made me extremely reserved and self conscious and now I've missed out on the normal teenager/high school student and college/young adult experiences, such as going to parties, meeting new people, dating, etc. I would like to do all those thing and more but I'm too ashamed of life to let people in even if they might not judge or laugh at me. The future is terrifying to me. I don't know if I will find a job, earn a wage that will let me move out of my parents house, find someone who will accept and want me for who I am? I just turned 24 this week and I want to stop hating myself and being afraid. I want to start living life and learning about who I am beyond my academic failures and social missteps but I don't know how.How do I get over myself and start living life?P.S. I'm still in school and I am completing my 4th year this semester after that I will be only left with retaking my flunked classes. My university doesn't offer them every semester which is why I will be still in school for another 2 academic years. I've tried talking to the Dean and H.O.D but they have not been helpful so I must carry on until the end. It brings me down to be one of the oldest people and sometimes the oldest person in a class (people doing second degrees aside)
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female
reader, celia_a  +, writes (9 January 2015):
 I'm sorry for what you're going through.
What are you studying? Is this something you have an interest in? Perhaps this is not the right path for you? Have you ever considered other types of schooling? Perhaps trade school?
As far as your weight gain, I highly recommend healthy eating habits and weight training. It can be difficult to motivate yourself, however, it is so important to put in the effort. Your body will change for the better as will your attitude.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 January 2015):
Dear OP,
I feel very sorry for you. Todays' educational system can be really tough and it seems you didn't have enough support in your life, but rather you were put down when you needed someone to lift you up.
You're neither useless nor hopeless. Sadly, in our times it happens very fast that people feel this way. We all put too much emphasis on professional and economical achievements, we build an artificial hierarchy.
You're by far not the only one experiencing trouble in school and needing more time to find his way. It's possible that you feel alone, because you happen to have close people around you who are more successful.
As a starter to get more awareness about your problems and get ideas about how to change, I can recommend the book "Reinvent your Life" by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. It was written by psychotherapists, for clients that struggle with chronic insecurities and problems.
As a next step, you can look for professional support. Because maybe there's a reason why you had problems at school (anxiety, ADHD) and you could get treatment for that.
What you can do yourself is, maybe, to make a list of all the things you'd like to experience/do/achieve, that are non-academic. And try to realize those things.
If you're ashamed of your weight, it might be a project to find some sports club, gym, workout dvd or computer game, fitness or nutrition smartphone app etc. that will help you get in shape again.
Generally, if you want to make a change, it's good to have a goal and to try achieving it in small steps, rewarding yourself for staying focused on the task.
Good luck. And all my respect for working towards your education goal.
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A
female
reader, Ginger fish  +, writes (8 January 2015):
 I know how you are feeling as I have beenin that ssituation my self. First of all STOP looking at what others are doing and focus on what your doing. Use how you're feeling now as motivation to move forward. Set goals for your self start small than get bigger, for instance set a goal of going for a walk every night then once you set your self a pattern keep going after your walk perhaps study for an extra hour make a goal of raising your grades. Once you get a routine going you start feeling better and I can tell you this from experience. Instead of beating yourself up all the time look in the mirror each day an tell yourself that you are a wonderful hard working person! Make little efforts for your self. I have done the same thing and believe me once you do, you start feeling good again. But please remember to not look at what others are doing, keep focused on you and your doings and needs because what works for one person doesn't work for the next, we are all unique. Generally everything happened for a reason and those who have been knocked down and get back up again get ahead because their journeys have made them tougher (once again speaking from experience) remember no matter how down you feel now you can ALWAYS be lifted, no one can break the human spirit: its truly indestructible
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A
female
reader, 0Guest0  +, writes (8 January 2015):
 Please stop judging yourself first. Having a degree is not everything. But I'm not saying that others can't have their own opinion. Example, Bill gates, Steve Jobs, etc.. People who found their passion and didn't care about judgement of people. Start with building your self esteem. Do you love your self and are you kind with your self? Start with being kind and loving yourself. And then start setting small goals and accomplish it, give yourself reward like buying a favourite book, etc when you accomplish the goal. Don't care about what others think about you, no one has power over you unless you give them that power. Keep track of what you are thinking and if you find yourself thinking negative thoughts like ' I'm a failure' then convert that thought into a positive one like, ' So what if I failed? It is another chance for me to give my best and be more kind with myself' If you ever want to compare yourself then start comparing with your own self. Eat healthy food, change your eating habits coz what we eat affects our mood. Our inner peace and what we really think about ourselves is important. Don't take life too seriously. Focus on your self development. I recommend listening to Jim Rohn's audios and other motivational audios on YouTube. I would like to share Jim Rohn's quote-"Formal education will make you a living; self education will make you a fortune"Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (8 January 2015):
What is the fastest way to get from point A to point B??? Most people would say "A straight line". WRONG!!! The fastest way to get from A to B is to start MOVING!!!
Do you know how you start living a positive life?? By actually start living a positive life. Being positive is useless unless you actually do it. Talking about what you want to accomplish is all great and dandy, but unless you actually do the work, what's the point of talking about it?
Set realistic goals for yourself. Such as...I want to past my courses with good grades. Now what do you have to DO to accomplish that goal, and start working at it.
I was constantly put down when I was growing up. So what did I do?? I worked my butt off in school, and in life...Guess what...my life is now a dream compare to how my family lives now. Having hardship in your life is AWESOME!!!
No one has ever gotten rich by talking about it, or have an amazing life just be saying "I want a better life." It takes work. A farmer goes out and works all day to plant his crops. His hard work is rewarded when he reaps his harvest.
If you plant shame, sorrow, and every bad thing in your life, what do you thing you will harvest...happiness?? Plant good things, and you will harvest good things.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame +, writes (8 January 2015):
I know it's difficult. Truth is no matter how many people are going through a similar or worse situation, it's hardly ever a consolation.
First of all, stop judging yourself by people's expectations.
The only failure is if you give up. How about taking one step at a time. I know you have been upset for a long period of time and such a situation is good enough to get everything down.
The best part is, you want to change your life, you haven't given up. So start building your life, one step at a time.
I genuinely suggest you start with focusing on losing weight. Don't get me wrong. Apart from it being good for your health, it does help in building self confidence and it helps you be more active and definitely makes you more cheerful than what you feel right now.
It will seem difficult at 1st, to even get up from your bed. Force yourself to get up n work out and eat healthier. Trust me, it affects your mood so much when you feel lighter.
Be reasonable and understand it will take some time. Give yourself a couple of months and find focus on completing your education.
Meanwhile, see if you can get a temp job. Make an effort to get outside the comfort zone you have created.
There are so many ways you can feel better. Just remember, it's more important to try. Things always get better :)
Let me tell you something, it might seem like rock bottom right now. So the fact is, this is the worst, so it can only get better from here.
Not taking yourself too seriously also helps. Learn to laugh at yourself, it will help you in dealing with all the taunts and judgements of other people.
Good luck :)
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