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male
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anonymous
writes: posted 11-11-2006 10:13 PM --------------------------------------------------------------------------------My life has been full of shocks lately. I've litterally just found out that an older lady friend of mine went to a hen night. The stripper there gave her baby oil and she has admitted to me she rubbed it into his penis (she's married). I'm extremely shocked. I've heard rumours that this is what goes on at these things but shes a woman who I've been out with loads. She has never so much as flirted with other men so i'm shocked. Is this aceptable? I've lost all my faith in people because all i hear nowadays is about cheating partners. Is it worth being in a relationship? Why do people think its ok to do this? It seems everyone is a cheater even those it doesnt fit the profile of. I cant bear trying to find another girlfriend as no one seems to have any morals. Is there anyone out there who still has any?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Hi this is to the OP, you sound really depressed to me if you want to judge all women on the small sample of people that you are basing your attitudes on.
Please seek out a paid professional therapist's help and vent to them about how you are feeling....you have issues that you need to work out, because even though you cannot change the world around you or the people in it, you can change how you react to it and how you choose to live in it.
To say you will never trust another woman again is a way of cutting off your heart and closing yourself off to someone who may be able to love you the way you want to be loved, and it only takes that one person, not the whole world to do that....so go see someone, please, so you can get back on track to living your life.
Take care, man.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Hi it's the OP here. Just to let you know that this world has gone to hell. I asked another agony aunt what she thought, I supposed proffesional and she seemed to think it was ok to grab other penis's even if you are married. Pretty much her exact words. This world is in big trouble when a paid professional with her years of 'wisdom' thinks that! I'll never trust another woman ever again. I've basically become the thing I hate (a sexist) and I never though that possible. I know nobody really cares what I say but I just need to vent really. Thanks for listening and good luck on this joke of a world.
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female
reader, Princess_81 +, writes (12 November 2006):
 I understand you point because so many of my friends including my self tell me about there experience with cheating partners. It doesnt matter how beautiful you are or how rich you are it happens to the best of us , J LO, Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston.
I think you need to remain positive sometimes we have to go through a few relationships before we find the right one. Also there are many couples today that have been together for years remaining faithful to one another.
Real Love is out there.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 November 2006):
 I agree with the other comments. There are great people out there. What you're friend did was wrong and probably a one time thing she did due to the "pack mentality". All the women were probably encouraging her. That's no excuse by the way.
As Irish said, you need to have a positive attitude and meet the right people. I've heard quotes that 50% of people cheat. That means 50% don't. Look in that pool of people. The truth is you never know who will cheat. WE jump into relationships and hope for the best. That's all we can do. We have to take care of our end of things and go from there. If you do all the right things from your end, hopefully your spouse will recognize that they have a good partner and act accordingly.
Let's look at your female friend who oiled the strippers penis. How could that have been prevented. I'm not sure. Some men would not "allow" their wives to go. That won't work, she'd eventually resent his "contol" over her. I think what is more important are boundaries. Realistic ones. In this case it should have been simple. Touching a penis should be out of bounds. For some reason the whistle in your friends head didn't sound to indicate OUT OF BOUNDS. That goes back to the pack mentality. Actually, because of your negative attitude, you might actually be seeing this only from your angle. Sometimes things get blown out of proportion. Perhaps he handed her the bottle and she squirted it on him from a few inches away. Who knows? Her husband proabaly knew there was going to be a stripper there. He probably knew that strippers dance at eye level and hang their penis out for everyone to see. If she touched it, she made a mistake. This might sound crazy but I'd bet if she touched it, it wasn't in a sexual way. I'd bet they were all laughing and giggling etc. It was however, still over the line.
I've been here before. Don't fret what you can't control. Manage your end of the relationship and go from there. Remember, boundaries are the guidelines we use in a relationship to help us stay on the right side of the line. They are a sign of repect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): I agree with rhythmandblues2...very good advice. You can't pigeonhole eveyone into one category. I know lots of wonderfully devoted people who would never cheat on their loved ones. You have to be cautious..you seem very negative about relationships. Don't do that to yourself. You could be shortchanging yourself to finding a nice woman who shares your moral compass and values, by thinking this way. Keep an open mind, a happy, positive train of thought, a very open heart and she will come along, someday. Love is a big risk but taking the time to truley know someone as a friend, before becoming lovers, is the smart way to go. Good luck, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): Yes, I think there are people out there who have morals, but society seems to love selling us sex at every turn so we become desensitized to it and what once seemed leud has become fun! I don't like it, but I am not a prude either.
I think it is easy to confuse this leud behavior with someone who would cheat, I find that some people would never cheat but still get a bit out of control, and some people who cheat go to church and wear buttoned up shirts, etc....Cheating is almost always a character flaw and people are either neurotic or character flawed, no one is perfect....the key is to find someone who shares your values, and to find that person you just have to be your authentic self, don't pretend to be a rude and crude leud person if you aren't or your partner may never recognize you....also consider your dating pool and look for love in better places where people are actively living their values, bars and clubs are not the place to meet the kind of woman you are looking for, she is actively seeking her goals and giving back to society, do these things yourself by volunteering or working hard and keep an eye open for that wonderful woman you may have overlooked before.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2006): Yes, she's out there, but if you find her, you'll give her up for a "cheater."
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