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female
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anonymous
writes: My man is'nt very affectionite unless he wants to have sex with me it bothers me cause I try to give him kisses or rub him or what ever but he never does it to me unless he wants sex. even when we go out drinking he hates P.D.A's I hate it I could care less who see's us and if I want to give him tongue in front of a crowd who cares Right? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 I use to be in the same situation as you with my EX-boyfriend. Obviously it didn't work out due to the affection I wasn't getting from him. I too tried touching him and rubbing him, but he always pushed me away because I was annoying him with my touching. I couldn't stand the attention I wasn't getting, I'm a needy person that wants affection. Since I wasn't getting it and had talken to him about it many times, I decided I deserved better. So, I got better and now I'm with someone that loves touching as much as I do and I feel so much happier in this relationship.
If you're not happy with how he is treating you, talk to him about it, let him know how you feel. If nothing changes, your best bet is to find someone new that will treat you and touch you the way that you want. There are so many men out there that like affection as much as you, you just have to go find them.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (2 January 2006):
Sounds like a problem to me. If he doesn't show you any affection outside of sex then that's not good. If you think he cares and just has problems showing affection but want to then seek counselling together. If he doesnt care then show him the door
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 January 2006):
 Well, I have to lean toward your boyfriend's way of seeing this. I too hate PDAs. It's just not tasteful or courteous to other people around you to be pashing off like a couple of rutting animals. Smouldering looks or a quick smack on the lips are both great, but save the tongue for private times, OK?
Call me old fashioned.
That doesn't mean that I agree with his policy of "no-affection-unless-I-want-sex", though.
Getting him to understand that you like to have romantic attention paid to you is something that will take some time for him to learn. Your bf might be one of those men who thinks that showing any affection at all detracts from his "manliness", and if so, you're going to have to be patient and keep reminding him that it's important to you to hold hands, kiss in public etc, so that YOU know that HE knows that you're not just a warm-temperatured sex toy.
And because relationships are all about compromise, you'll also have to remind yourself that he may never be as affectionate as you want. (This is where you think about his other good qualities and how they make up for the lack of affection.)
Start small. Have a talk with him and in a non-nagging(!) tone explain how much it would mean to show the world at large that you're a couple. Tell him that you want to take his hand next time your out, and then do that. Do it, but don't latch on like a lamprey does to a shark. Remember, you're moving slowly from Zero Affection to a midway level that can suit you both. After a few minutes of hand-holding, you've demonstrated that strangers aren't going to sneer at him and point.
Over time, it will become more natural to make subtle displays of affection and he'll be less embarrassed about it.
Remember to encourage him. Don't nag and don't expect overnight miracles. I'm sure that a man who loves you will make the effort when he knows how important it is and how happy it makes you.
However, if explanation and encouragement don't do the trick, then you have to decide for yourself what happens next. If his ways are set in stone and he doesn't want to make any effort to change - even when he knows it matters to you - then you have to consider if you want to live with that for all time.
Good luck with it.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (2 January 2006):
Some people, particly males are SHY about P.D.A. its not something you should be putting him down for and be like 'oh who cares, f*ck it' attitude, thats just indecent and insensitive. You need to be understanding of his feelings and in return he should do the same for you.
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A
female
reader, tayluv +, writes (2 January 2006):
If a man can not show you affection outside of the bedroom then he is showing you what he really thinks about you. When he wants sex then you are not recieving affection you are receiving a I am horny call.
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