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female
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*jp81
writes: I want my ex back and i don't know what to do. Heres the situation- I previously posted a question about how my ex can't get back on his feet job wise and self esteem wise. He told me that he can't get himself back on his feet and juggle our relationship at the same time. We still talk and hang out once in a while and he calls me all the time. He told me that he cares about me so much and that he still loves me and always will. He bought me two christmas presents even though we are not together. I told him that i have been seeing an ex of mine because he wouldn't stop asking me about it. He told me that it made him sick to his stomach to here that i was seeing someone. We have only been broken up for about a month and i want him back. I know he is a bit depressed about everything going on in his life right now, but what does that have to do with me. He even told me he is truly happy when we are together. On top of this, when i see him he always wants to kiss me and try to have sex with me,Ii also want to but don't think it's a wise decision. He told me that one of the things bothering him is that he is not secure with himself and feels like he can't give me what i deserve right now because he doesn't have a steady income. And i think it bothers him a bit that i make more money than him right now, but i have never made money an issue he knows that money isn't everything to me, but love is. what can i do, i am so in love with him and have been since i met him 4 years ago. We were friends first and then began dating almost 2 years ago. He once told me after we started dating that he waited 3 years for me. if that isn't love than i don't know what is. Please help me, what should i do?
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female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (3 January 2006):
I don't think you should do anything more. Listen to what he is saying. I think he is gently trying to say he doesn't want to see you at the moment. Let him have the time that he needs to sort things out and see if he comes back to you. Some people do genuinely need time on their own to discover themselves and sort out their problems. I'm sure your ex knows you would be a great support but if you listen to what he is saying , then he wants to sort this out for himself. When he runs away from you then instead of chasing him then just stand still and be the calm strong woman that he can come back to when he has dealt with his issues. If you love him then a little waiting can't hurt
A
female
reader, mjp81 +, writes (3 January 2006):
mjp81 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far everyone has had great answers, but i feel like i need to know what i can do further. I have already sent him many e-mails telling him exactly how i feel about the situation. He replied to them all breifly. I have spoke to him in person about it also, he tells me that right now he needs to focus on himself and can't have a relationship right now. He also said that he doesn't want to date anyone and has no desire to go out and meet people or anything to that extent. He just needs to get himself together first. I know he loves me more than anything. The other night i spent the night with him, wether it was a good idea or not i don't know, but i did it anyway. All night in bed he stared at me and smiled, he told me he missed the smell of my hair on his pillow, and that when he is with me, he is so happy. Then he held onto me all night long and barely slept. I know he loves me so much that it hurts, but how do i get him to realize that having me around does not add to his problems. I need to know what i can do to really open his eyes to the situation, i am up for anything at this point. Mostly his problem is that when he gets to close to someone he pushes them away, and when something gets to hard he quits at it. he runs away from everything and that is what he is working on to change right now, but he also knows he does this. So how can i get him to stop running from me?
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A
female
reader, shortandsweet408 +, writes (2 January 2006):
 You are doing well with him. Just spend the time with him for however long you want. I am in the same situation and have been for about 6 months now. I know that to some people that might be ENOUGH... but things have started to turn around. Just stick with him, but make sure to set boundaries. Make sure there isn't anyone else involved, and tell him as long as he won't hurt you - you will be there as long as it takes. Tell him you will wait (as long as you want) BUT not forever. I agree with the person who wrote before me, write him a letter and tell him everything. He will appreciate it... and if you think it gets too mushy make it humorous as well. You have a right to ask for what YOU want out of this too. Don't let him have his cake and eat it too, set the boundaries and go from there. HAVE FUN! Love him the way you want to, and if it doesn't work out, at least you know you were there for him and karma will catch up for you, soon you WILL find that one if this one isn't him. Keep your head up girl, I'd like to hear how things are going within the near future...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006): Well I would give him the space he needs right now be patient with him its tough not having a steady job or whatever but, you talking with your ex doesn't show him you care enuff about him which doesn't help his selfesteem either Maybe try writing your thoughts down in a letter to him or a card let him know you'll be there for him through the tough time he's going through right now then give him some time just don't move on unless you know its really over cause that won't get him back you'll just give him more doubts Good luck!
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