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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: when my boyfriend and i have sex, he is really big and it hurts. it hurts so much that i often scream quite loud during sex.its painful and worrying but its what he does which is also worrying. when i am screaming he either puts his hand over my mouth or puts my head into the pillows(he often uses force). the weird thing is though he just carries on and seems to give it to me harder.so i ask two things:is there a way to to his penis hurting me/stop screaming?should i be worried about his reactions?
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 I've just logged in after some time and checked your follow up. I think myself and some of the other Aunt's read your post literally and were seriously worried about you. You said he was hurting you? Sorry if the responses upset you... I guess your post was very distressing to read and I believe most women would run for the hills if they were in your shoes.
HOWEVER, I am glad that you have resolved your issues and I wish you all the best for the future. I am sorry he had to witness what he did as a young boy too. Take care and I'm glad that you are both able to communicate and make positive changes in your lives. It took him real courage to approach a therapist, good for him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionme and my bf are back together. he has being seeing a therapist and it turns out he saw his mother raped as a child, which is where the therapist thinks he gets his actions from during sex. he now knows thats not how to treat women sexually in bed. i hope all of you who called him a sick rapist feel good about yourselves
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): With respect. You say you are worried because he is causing you so much pain and you are worried because he covers your mouth to stop you screaming. AND when he KNOWS its hurting you, he is even rougher with you. That is not right. Something is wrong with him. If he is acting out because of past trauma, he is still wrong to be doing these things to you. It is he who should be more sensitive because he could and might really cause you harm. Im sorry that it has caused a break up but he really needs a wake up call. Maybe once he has thought about things he will become a considerate lover and not a dangerous one. If he is ok in other areas, i hope you can sort out his problems together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe have agreed to split up. i told him he we can get back together if he sees a phyciatrist and sorts himself out. you make him sound like a sick rapist, but he may have been abused when younger or seen a man treat a girl like this and i love him very much, so next time be more sensitive please.
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female
reader, svf +, writes (22 April 2011):
Please be very worried about his actions, this is not normal, it is bondage and discipline. He knows that this is hurting you, and this is SICK. I had problems from sleeping with a guy ONCE, and still have problems from what he did to me, because he was too big.You sound like me, but without the problems I hope? I put a post into a question on big penises before:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/female-input-needed.htmlI am nearly 4 months pregnant now and may need to get a cervical stitch due to the damage he did.This man is going to way to far and you need to be careful, or it could really harm you. He is not going to stop, as he has proven again and again that he gets off on hurting you.This is not love, this is one evil, sick, bastard.Please take care of yourself and get OUT of this relationship now, please! xxx
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male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (21 April 2011):
It sounds like he is excited about it, and that it is a turn on for him. He proabably thinks you like it too, as you haven't said anything to him about it he probably thinks its ok. Using his hand or a pillow might be a way of him giving you as much freedom as you want to scream as loudly as you want, without having to be worried if anyone else in the neighbourhood can hear. So he might think that he is being thoughtful by doing it, and assuming that you like to scream during sex, some women do. The other possibility is that he doesn't care about your experience during sex, and he just likes to cover you up as a way of dominating and controlling you during sex which might be a turn on for him.
Talk to him about it, and you will be able to tell from his reaction to your conversation whether he thought you were ok with it, or whether he doesn't care about you and is being forceful and manipulative.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Maybe hes just into that kind of stuff, if my boyfriend did that to me it would make me more turned on. People arent all the same just tell him what you like and dont like.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): I think if i were in so much pain i screamed and that just got me smothered by a pillow and more pain, i would definately not be having sex with this person. Why are you?He sounds little short of a rapist. I hope he isnt causing you any internal damage. Hes been watching way too much porn and doesnt have a Scoobies how to make love. Hes treating you as an object for his own enjoyment. Boot him out and find a decent boyfriend before he harms you, the guy is messed up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): That is just freaky. Putting your hand over someone's mouth and forcing their head into the pillow is bizarre when they are in pain.
Good sex is not painful. Good sex is very pleasurable, for both parties.
Should you be worried about his reaction? Yes. Simply put, he doesn't seem to care about your end of this.
I don't care if he is big, small, or average, this is just not cool behavior and he either is so inexperienced that he doesn't know what good sex is, or he's been watching to much porn and doesn't know what good sex is, or he likes putting you in pain and doesn't care what good sex is.
Are you being honest and open about this with him? If you are not, he may think YOU actually like this and he is doing it thinking he is doing it for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): Does he know your screaming because it hurts? If he does there is something wrong with that. You probably shouldn't be with someone like that. If your in pain that shouldn't make him do you harder. That's kind of cruel.
My best advise for it to stop hurting is ask him to do it slowly and let you get used to it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 I'd be worried about his reaction.
have you told him it hurts
that you are in PAIN not screaming from pleasure?
how much lube are you guys using.
lube helps. a lot. as does foreplay.
but if a man put his hand over my mouth or a pillow over my face and continued to have sex with me against my will because he was causing me pain I'd be calling the police and explaining that my "boyfriend" just raped me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): Sounds like he is into dominance during sex. Some girls really like being dominated during sex. He may think your screams are because of pleasure not pain. You could try talking to him about it and telling him how you feel.
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