A
male
age
51-59,
*eflated44
writes:I have been married for a couple of years to a very attractive and intelligent woman who holds down a good job and earns a lot of money. She is a wonderful woman but although she knew I had children before we married she now won't have anything to do with them. We were in the process of buying a new home but when she realised that the children would be staying every weekend she has backed out so we are now living in our origional pre-marriage homes. The problem started when we tried to have our own children but couldn't and she has now turned to hate my kids. My children are quite difficult as they have different mothers and a not very settled up bringing and instead of helping my wife refuses to have anything at all to do with them. When the two of us are together alone it is perfect but if I suggest involving my kids she won't particpate and immediately leaves or goes to work. I am unable to obviously cut my kids off but also want to keep my wife. I think my wife is thinking of leaving me as she doesn't want all the hassle with the kids and their mothers and I can understand this but would like to find some happy compromise if at all possible. My wife always says that her freetime is very precious and that she does not want to 'waste' it with them. I constantly feel torn and made to feel guilty. I am very tired of all of this and would like some help if possible.
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male
reader, 40somethingguy +, writes (21 April 2011):
Well firstly why are you looking for a compromise?These children were apparent when this woman courted and accepted marriage so what has changed?You are doing the absolute right thing by seeing as much of your children as you possibly can, they should not be sidelined at all because of the attitude of your so called wife, i say so called because a wife should support her husband just as a husband should support his wifeIf this is a real issue to her then she really doesn't want you as her husband so you should speak with her and arrange a mutually acceptable end to this travesty of a marriage
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 You should never be made feel guilty of spending time with your children. In fact it is good that you are spending weekends with them and being a father to them. I Am sorry but your wife knew that you were a father before she married you therefore she should have prepared herself for this. I am guessing because she has failed to have any children that it might be a case of jelousy. You need to sit down and talk to her about this and explain to her how much you love her and want to live with her. But explain to her that you cannot abandon your children and ask her to put herself in your shoes if she was the one that had children could she abandon them?Just help her see that you will both be together 5 nights out of the week and that the children will only be there at the weekend. Tell her that this time is precious to you and that you want her to share it with you and to be part of it. Hopefully she will come around soon, and if she doesnt well then she is a very selfish woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This situation will never get any better, your wife is obviously a very selfish person who has no room in her heart for anyone other than herself
People like this are better off alone as they do not deserve the company of other decent people
Its hard to do but accept that we all make mistakes and this was a huge one, find someone who accepts you for what and who you are and has the decency to try and help you all get along rather than play the martyr
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