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male
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*erminator
writes: I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months. I am so in love with her and have asked her to move in with me. She has been with quite a few men before, including a one night stand with a guy she used to work with. She is still friends with this guy and plans to go out for his birthday. I don't think this is right. I accept her past, I have a pretty checkered one of my own, I know she loves me and will never cheat on me and I trust her 100%, that is not the issue - it simply is that if she loves me then I believe she shouldn't be socialising with people she has had sex with in the past. I had a friend that I have had sex with and now I haven't contacted her since I have been with my girlfriend because I don't think it's fair on her. I'm not saying she can't talk to people she has been with if she sees them out, I just think she shouldn't be hanging out with them. This is the first serious relationship she has had so she's never been with anyone that would have had an issue with it before. Am I being unreasonable?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): i am goin through the same thing right now, and i am poissed that my woman wanna still chill wit her ex. he aint even a ex boyfriend he aint want to be her man, and he treated her like shit. they are ex sex buddies and why if her and her moms talk shit bout him she still wana hang wit him. i think its cuz she doesnt want n e man to tell her what or what not to do and i think she only wanna do it cuz she kno i dont want her to. hold yuh ground and if u dont like it let it be known and if she still do it, she doesnt care for you 100% cuz o dont talk nor do i chill wit n e ex anythings. i dont think it's right.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): She's going to do what she wants. Whether at this party or some time down the line. If you can't trust her, then you have nothing.
Make it clear up front that she won't get a second chance if she cheats. If that's not a deterrent, then you shouldn't be with her anyway. Take this from a guy whose girl just cheated on him with a guy "friend" at a party she went to without me.
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A
female
reader, laurette +, writes (27 September 2005):
Firstly if you trust her a 100% then this shouldn't be an issue. If this realy bothers you, you must tell her other wise she won't think it is a problem. If she is going to her ex's party suggest you go with so you can both get a night out. If she has a problem with this , then i would start worrying! If there is just friendship between them and nothing else , she won't have any prob's with you escorting her to this party. I do understand how you feel but also understand that some women find it easier to be friend with guys than they do with other women and sometimes it is only harmless friendship. If she is as serious about this realationship as you are, then she won't have a problem understanding where you're coming from, let her know that you do not associate with your ex's to spare her feelings as you do not think it is fair.
As i said this could just be a harmless friendship or she would have continued dating this other man after they had sex.
Trusting someone 100% is risky and no one is that confident about someone their dating, it seems to me that their might be bit of insecurity on your part , your only human. The only way to get to the bottom of this is communication, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't ask her to make a choice or make her feel that you telling her who to be friends with or not because you will push her right into this mans arms.
***The best medicine is communication.***
good luck and I hope things work out.
laurette
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A
female
reader, Mia Suzuli +, writes (26 September 2005):
Right so you fink its wrong for your girlfriend to hang around with her ex.yea i know how it feels but she is more mature and she will never cheat on you.But have you ever thought that her ex-boyfriend already got someone else?Your girlfriend will Know whats right or not..You guys love each other sooooooo much and i reakon that you should tell her that `Please don`t cheat on me.I mean i will never know if you gonna cheat on me so as a boyfriend can you please dont cheat on me.' That`s all you need to tell your girlfriend.She will understand how you will feel.So i reakon that you should let her go to her ex-boyfriends house.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005): i think people overreact. People change, etc. If she truly loves you, she's not going to leave you for her ex, no bones about it.
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