A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend for a month so far we (dated for 3 years she left me for another man back together after a year) keeps on talking too other men dirty and has cheated on me with one in the last month. And swears she will change and i forgive like always. I have found on her fb chat that she is meeting another guy for dinner and was talking dirty in very detail with him the whole time. I just don't know what to do anymore. When we are together everything seems fine and she looks happy. And i really love her so much its killing me putting up and finding out these things it hurts that she can just be around me then be doing things like that behind my back that i would never do to her. I want it to work with her and i don't know whyWhat do i do?
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female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS!!! I am almost angry with you. Here you are, a good gem of a guy... Lots of girls all over the planet right now crying in their pillows wishing they could meet some one like you, and you are wasting your precious heart on some slut who doesn't know what she's got.what now? Are you gonna let her harden your heart so much that you end up resenting her for the rest of your life and punishing girls who don't deserve it?My darling, what is it about her? Why is she so special that your own self respect does not matter? Is she honestly that hot? Some times when some 1 cheats, everything inside of you just wants them backk, you just want what was youurs back, and when you have it, then you are so disgusted with it.Do this :Confront her. Tell her if she doesn't stop it, you're going to leave her. I know women are good with words, so no matter what she says, listen to it and just say again "look, I don't care what you say, I don't even care if I'm wrong, I am leaving you unless you stop this" She might call your bluff. Or she might beg you to stay. If she does, I know you'll feel all the resentment and disgust I'm talking about. I also know for a fact she won't stop it and oyu'll eventuallly get tired of getting less than you deserve and dump her.Either way, you'll end up with out her, and that's the good news because you deserve far far better. I know it doesn't seem like it now but the happiest ending to this story is you being without her.This is going on because you are allowing it. You can't control what she does with other guys, but you can control whether or not she makes that part of your life afterwards.Be brave. You can do it. You'd better!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2012): She doesn't love you back. No matter how much you forgive, how much to believe her... she keeps on doing the same things over and over again because you let her. And you keep expecting a different result.It's time to leave. To move on. For your own sake. She believes you to be weak-willed and until now, you have been.By becoming involved with you, she was agreeing to a monogamous relationship with you and you alone. An open relationship was neither discussed or agreed upon.Ergo, if this were a business deal, she would be in breach of contract.Seriously, man. Grow some balls and leave her to her fuck-buddies. If that is all she thinks of herself, then nothing you do is gonna make a difference to her, at least for long.And eventually she'll reach an age when she'll want to keep doing as she is and she will be too old and crinkly for anyone to be anything other than disgusted by her advances... and she will be alone and miserable and it will no-one's fault but her own. And on that day you can smile, knowing you won and avoided that consequence.Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, grymsoul  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 I honetly never understand why people put themselves through this. The first time my girlfriend. . .I'm sorry, EX-girlfriend cheated on me, there was nothing else I could do about it. I broke up with her. After the first cheat nothing is the same ever again. To me the love that she always said she had for me was a lie and it will definitely continue to be a lie after her cheating. You gave her a chance to say she'll never do it again. THAT'S your first mistake. The minute you found out she was cheating you should have dumped her. But what did you do instead? You forgave her and you both went on with the relationship. She now knows how easy it is to get away with cheating, so why wouldn't she do it again and again and again? "I want it to work with her and i don't know why.What do i do?" This is your problem right here. There's only one thing to do about this. Dump her. There is no sticking it out or hoping that she will just stop. I'll tell you exactly what will happen. She WILL continue to see other men. She WILL continue to have sex with other men. And she WILL leave your for a REAL man when she finds one. To her, you are not a real man. You are a doormat that she can walk all over. Here's some personal advise. The first time I caught my ex cheating, I dumped. I didn't really care to know why she cheated. She told me anyway. She said I wasn't giving her attention, wasn't asking about her day, wasn't blah, blah, blah. Didn't matter to me what the reason was. She cheated, I dumped her. It's that easy. For a whole year after that she has been messaging me on facebook, ringing me up and begging me to give her another chance. I still haven't. She realized that I wasn't playing games so she knew she lost someone valuable. YOUR girlfriend doesn't see you that way. She sees you as someone that she doesn't respect. You say she looks happy with you. Ofcourse she is, she has a boyfriend that will forgive her for cheating. So to her, it's like stealing expensive jewerly at the mall but not being held accountable for it. That's what you're doing. You're not giving her a consequence. If you truly want her to stop cheating. BREAK UP WITH HER. Maybe then she'll realize that you're not playing games anymore.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 May 2012):
She's not going to change and has no respect for you. Dump her.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (7 May 2012):
Straight to the point... get out of this relationship now...you're still young so take the pain (hurt)and move on because you will never be able to trust her. It's not like someone told you she's seeing other guys, you found out for yourself on her FB chat. She left you after 3 years for another guy, how much more you need to see to say that's enough, sound like a roller coaster or you're just a side dish.
It's going to hurt to leave her but in due time you'll get over it and find someone that will love you. You know the old saying ""when one bus pulls off another one pulls up""
She's a cheater and you know she's a cheater.
Wish you luck
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 May 2012):
 Of course she looks happy. For her everything IS fine. She has a doting, loyal boyfriend AND she can have all the extra action and attention she wants on the side. This arrangement appears to be working for her so why should she not be happy?
If it's not working for you and there is little to no hope of it improving, then your next step is obvious. You've heard that expression 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'? I think it applies here.
She won't change so you're going to have to. Either stay with her and learn to accept it, or leave her and be free for someone better.
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