A
female
age
30-35,
*unkissed29
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We do not live together, but we go to the same uni. I feel like I need to see him more than he needs to see me. I think I initiate to spend time more than he does. He usually says yes when I ask, and that's great, but if I don't initiate for like 4 days, then we probably won't see each other because he wouldn't ask to see me. I wish he'd initiate more because it gets pretty tiresome to be the one initiating most of the time. The same goes for sex. I am usually the one who starts things up, and it would get him in the mood, but if I didnt try to, we wouldn't have sex. He does initiate sex sometimes though. I guess I am the type of girl who likes the guy to make most of the efforts, but in this relationship that I'm in, it's not the case. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but sometimes I feel like this relationship isn't right for me. I like my man to take more initiative and not have me do all the work. What do you think?
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male
reader, OldTimer Soon  +, writes (8 June 2011):
Men are natural aggressors. If it doesn't Flow -- Let Go!
Your personality is stronger than his and THAT alone will eat you alive in disrespect for him eventually.
He treads water while you do the rowing ... not a cruise that will end well.
A
female
reader, sunkissed29 +, writes (8 June 2011):
sunkissed29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to clarify that he does text me often (without me doing it first). He texts me to see what I'm up to or how I'm doing, so I'm pretty sure he cares about me. I just do not understand why he doesn't need to see me, and regularly sees his friends more than me (he goes to the gym with them everyday). It's the summer, so we don't have school, but he works 10 minutes away from me. Stopping by to see me isn't too much to ask for, is it? Even during school, we don't see each other that much because he's caught up doing his own thing. All the while, he still texts and calls me... this is so frustrating and confusing. I have told myself to just let him be and that this is how he is, but how can a guy who cares and loves for his girlfriend not need to see her so much? I don't understand. I have tried the no initiating to see him. After like 4-5 days, he asked to see me, so he does want to see me maybe once a week, but the rest is for him to do his thing. It doesnt feel very great to be wanted to be seen only once a week when we are so close to each other. Please help, I need to figure out this relationship and I'm tired of feeling bothered by this. Thanks so much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): I am assuming you have submitted this and the other post about finding some peace of mind within your relationship. I think you might be correct and this relationship is not right for you. If he has changed since the honeymoon phase and you now have to do all the running it will be tiresome for you. If he is like this now after 2 years together, where is this relationship going?
He should WANT to spend time with you and not wait to be asked! His life and yours should be intertwined by now. That is generally how things pan out. A couple grow together and share. Soon there is no 'his and hers' just 'ours'.
But that doesn't seem to have happened for you two. I don't know if that is because you want your independence so much that you have kept him at arms length and now it has backfired on you. Or because the relationship has reached the end of its journey and he is not as interested as he once was. But either way, you are not needy or clingy for wanting him to initiate dates and sex sometimes. The fact that he leaves it all up to you, suggests that he is not making any effort now and leaving you to drive the relationship on your own. That can't be fun and would worry me too!
It might be a good idea to have a straight talk with him and ask whats going on. If he in not interested anymore he should tell you, rather than waiting for you to initiate all the time. How many days would he go without seeing you before he bothered to catch up with you again? That really isn't right. You need to talk to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): You have taught him that you do all the work so he has fallen into his place in the relationship. To turn the tables you must stop initiating until how ever long it takes to start taking over.A lot of people will tell you on here to "sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel" You need to stick with this one. It might take 1 day or might take a month. You might go through a rough patch. If you really want him to come forward and take more of a lead then you must just stop contacting him or speaking to him without bieng spoken to first.
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