A
female
age
30-35,
*unkissed29
writes:I feel like theres a constant battle about my relationship inside my head ever since the honeymoon phase ended. It's always about the same old thing: he has a good life: good friends, family, good balance between all aspects of life. I'm not so lucky. I don't have really good friends (long story, but too much to explain here), not too close-knit with my family, and didn't have such a great childhood. I wasn't abused or anything like that, but I just didn't get to grow up with my parents and lived with a really mean nanny. Anyways, here's an idea of the battle in my head: I feel like I allowed myself to use him as an emotional crutch, and it's taking a toll on me. I try not to let it take a toll on him as much as possible by not being clingy and letting him live his own life outside the relationship as much as possible. However, it's hard on me because I need to see him more than he needs to see me, and I need a reasonable amount of affection from him. I don't need to see him every single day, but 3-4 times a week with quality time is great enough for me. However, unless I initiate to spend time with him most of the time, he would just do his own thing and go to the gym or see his friends. I feel like when I initiate, I get in the way of his life. He doesnt initiate as much as I do. I always miss the beginning of our relationship when he was more affectionate and made more efforts. He still loves and cares for me now, but it's in a more comfortable and routine way (understandable since we've been together for 2 years). I really try hard to find my own balance and have my own life outside of the relationship, and since I am a pretty independent person, it's not too difficult. However, I still depend on him more than I'd like to, and I really want to not need him so much. What are your thoughts on how I can stop this battle and just be at peace with myself and enjoy this good relationship that I have? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Brilliant you did very well.
Now....
What resources have you got that will help you achieve happyness? ( positive minded, intelligence, determination ect)
Then
How will you know that your happy?
then.
What skills do you have now to stop yourself from needing him as much?
A
female
reader, sunkissed29 +, writes (8 June 2011):
sunkissed29 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really want to not need him as much so that...
I won't have to depend on him so much so that...
I won't need to see him as much and need constant affection so that...
This relationship will stop being the main thing that takes over my thoughts every day so that...
I can stop being bothered by it and figure out if it's really a good relationship or one that isn't right for me so that...
I can live my own life and have my own individuality so that...
I can be at peace and feel happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): Ok I want you to try something for me in your reply. Start with your statement.I really want to not need him so much. Add "SO THAT" and carry on and try and aim for a about 7.eg.I really want to not need him so much SO THATI can stop battling with myself SO THATI can be at piece with myself SO THATI can enjoy this good relationship SO THATNow carry on and aim for about 5-7 more on top of what I have said.Try and self reflect and take some time doing this because this is a powerful excersize and will uncover your deep motivations. Once I have seen your response I can give you some good advice
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