A
female
age
30-35,
*lien invasion
writes:Hey,This may seem childish but it has really been bothering me. Or maybe this is a common type of thing that bothers people in relationships, I need your help and advice.My boyfriend will "like" an old friend of mines photos on facebook. Most of them will be photos of herself. It really bugs me because I think..."he doesn't even talk to her, to know her..and he likes all her photos". It's obvious that he thinks she's attractive or something. Am I being crazy? I feel like I am, I also feel like this is a common thing.It's just me being annoyed. But what should I do about it? How do I approach him without seeming totally weird about it?I feel like it's childish, but I can't help that it truly bothers me.
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (4 March 2014):
 We all 'LIKE' our friends photos or posts on FB for different reasons. Sometimes it's because the photos are good or funny, or sometimes it's just to show our support for a friend. I had a friend who posted a really ugly photo of herself on FB. I don't think she realised it was unflattering, but I was amazed by how many people 'LIKED' and commented. Were they all blind? I doubt it. For whatever reason, they hit that LIKE button. Maybe your boyfriend does think your friend is pretty and she well might be. But that might be just one of the reasons he's LIKED it. Did she not get many likes or lots? Maybe he felt sorry for her because she had only a few and he didn't want her to feel bad. The only way you really know the answer is to ask him; "Why did you like my friend's photo?"
Do you have male friends on FB? Have you 'LIKED' their posts or photos? I doubt you did it for ulterior reasons. Try not to think too much into it, but if it's really worrying you, just ask him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): If you've come to us for advice, you do expect us to refer you back to the source of your discomfort. Right?
That being your boyfriend.
The problem with social media is, it is a part of everyone's life; like it or not. People intrude on each others thoughts; and you can't be honest or expressive, without upsetting someone.
You have a legitimate concern; because your boyfriend is being far too "friendly" with your friend. There are boundaries we set when we commit to people. Especially, when the relationship has been mutually agreed to be exclusive, or monogamous. Mild flirtation is natural. Persistent acts to reinforce your flirting is trying to send a message. That being, you are attracted to someone.
If you're not exaggerating; if he is "liking" practically every picture, it soon becomes obvious.
Just remember this. It just may mean he thinks the topics are cool. People are usually clubbing, at a concert, a party, some major event; or in the middle of some activity. That's why it's posted. To share with all your friends. It was not sent specifically to your boyfriend's personal account, or his cell. Just watch how they behave around each other. It could be totally one-sided.
If it's always her face and body;she is advertising her assets, and fishing for compliments. That's normal too.
It's for an ego-boost.
Neither you nor your boyfriend are fools. Time to let him know that you aren't first-hand.
Your concern, is that he doesn't have to be so eager to let her know each and every-time she posts her mug on FB.
Posting flashy pics of herself is making it her business to solicit male attention. Your boyfriend is offering her the gratification of telling her he likes what he sees. He is bordering inappropriate. It is too obvious. Unfortunately for him; you and your friend, are both picking up on it.
A couple of "likes" here and there, is friendly. Every-time is blatant flirting.
Time to have a talk. Stay on topic. Avoiding whining, and dramatizing. Simply tell him you feel uncomfortable about his liking too many of your friend's pictures. The number of times he has done it, has really gone beyond the point you feel to be respectful of your feelings. Done. Not a word more.
Short and sweet, and to the point. Keep calm, don't add tears or pouting. Act your age.
Now lets get back to you. We are going on your word. Only you know if you are being over-sensitive; or if your post is motivated by petty jealousy.
By today's standards, it is normal for people with Twitter and FB accounts to be very actively in communication with close friends and acquaintances.
Most things are sent publicly to several people you know as a group. People habitually acknowledge a familiar face. Your boyfriend probably likes everything every friend updates.
You've only focus on that one friend of yours. She must be very pretty. Have you ever noticed other likes given to his other friends, or just her?
If they communicate a lot. There is reason for concern and it should be addressed.
It is not unusual to send some acknowledgement that you have been reviewing a friend's updates. That's the reason you accept the offer to "friend" someone. Some people followup hourly; and some update even more frequently than that. I think your boyfriend is giving her just too much attention.
Address it one time only. It's only weird, when you snoop around and don't say anything.
If she is a friend, you can also ask her to minimize communication with your boyfriend beyond the normal friend-zone. You'd like to continue trusting her. Done.
Don't you dare use an accusatory tone, or a snotty attitude. You are going only on a hunch. Rudeness or threatening behavior isn't necessary. You could be wrong. So leave yourself wiggle-room.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 March 2014):
 I suggest that you keep quiet about your concern(s)... and see if he ever brings up the subject with you....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 March 2014):
Facebook is such a bad thing in most respects. It has the power to utterly destroy relationships and reduce sane people to despair over so, so little.
He might like the photos, but you really have to look beyond just what he likes on a screen. Look at your real, true life relationship together. Are you happy? Do you love him? Does he love you? Does he show you that he loves you?
The point is, if you spend your life trying to work him out on the basis of facebook, you'll never actually know what he thinks. You'll be guessing on the basis of something he 'likes' in a fake world.
Stop looking at facebook, and instead look at your relationship in real life.
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