A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a new job and I work shifts and it involves me working till about 9-10 at night sometimes. My boyfriend has been planning lots of big nights out with just his boy mates specifically on the nights that i am working late. I dont mind him going out with his friends but he never organises a night out when i am off, i enjoy going out too. I get the impression he doesnt want me there when he goes out. I get grief when i want to go out with my friends because he says he never sees me (he does....alot). It seems like he has the best of both worlds and i am expected to see my friends only when i am with him.I went on a night out with my girls not so long ago(very rare) and i got a complete guilt trip about leaving him on his own when i got back! What can i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your answers, i talked to him about it and it appeared it was accidental that he was organising all these nights out, its because he was bored on his own so he goes out with his mates instead. We have a few dates planned so we can spend some time together too now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): Whatever! What are you supposed to do, sit and wait for him to get home like a good girl? Screw that. If he goes out so can you! Tell him if he doesn't like it then he can learn to include you on the nights out. You deserve a little special time too! He has to start thinking of your feelings too.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 You just need to talk to him about this. Explain to him that you feel he is organising these nights out with his friends just so you wont be there - this might actually be accidental and you need to make him realise he is doing something which upsets you.
I think your boyfriend does need to grow up a little here, he is being childish wanting his own way with everything. Maybe you should set one night a week when you dont work, that you go out with each other and one set of friends (and then the next week alternate). So one week you and your boyfriend will go out with his friends, the next week it will be your friends. Or if you prefer to have nights out seperately, then have this one night a week where you both go out at the same time but with your own friends and then meet up at the end of the night to home together.
The key thing here is to talk to each other and explain how his behaviour is making you feel. It is good to have seperate interests as it keeps the relationship fresh - he needs to know this and accept that you have a life away from him too.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Tell him to grow up! If he can go out when he likes so can you. If he doesn't like it he can have all the time he likes with his mates, being single!
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