A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have big problem every single guy i liked has hated me for one reason or another.guys just don,t like me.i find hard to get on with guys.i can be hard on guys but i don,t mean to be.but guy are rotten to me telling me i am not good enough for them or seen with them.or they just fancy other girls and never me.or they have a girlfriend.they not interested.sheer bad luck with them.i am shy and quiet,overweight,short,greasy hair and glasses,not pretty at all.guys just hate me.i never had a boyfriend or my first kiss.its more then appearance is wrong when it comes to males.a guy who i thought liked me 6 years ago.i knew for 6 months only and i contact him lately and he was very sharp and distance to me,and cold.he asked why did i bother to contact after all these years.he said i was in his words a total bitch to him.but i did like but i was shy and it came off like i wasn,t interested and cold to him which i didn,t meani don,t know what to do.can you guy(males)give me some advice
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I know I am not a guy but I think I can help you here. First I think you need to read your question and this will show you why you dont have any luck with men - you are so negative about everything!
First of all, I dont like people who moan about their apperance and do nothing about it. If you dont like the way you look then change it until you feel confident! Now I am no stunner, I am 5ft 3, curvy/bordering on overweight but I still make them most of myself. I dont care that I have some wobbly bits on my body - I go to the gym, eat well and if I still dont lose weight then I just think so what, at least I'm healthy! Greasy hair just needs a good shampoo and conditioner that doesnt weigh your hair down. If you dont like your glasses then get contact lenses. Get yourself a good hairdresser and then some new make-up, learn how to make the most of what you have got.
I always think that once you are reasonably happy on the outside, then the inside will soon catch up! If you feel you look good then you wont be so quiet around men. And you need to work on being so cold with guys - this is the most offputting thing to them! A man wants a girl that is fun, happy and enjoys life. Not someone who is miserable and spends all of her time scowling. When you are out with friends, try talking a bit more, laughing more etc. This way, guys will see you having a good time and thing that you look like a fun person to be with.
And stop thinking all guys hate you - I bet some fancy you but they would never dare approach you because you look so unapproachable. I think that guy you contacted proved this - that you were not very nice to him. And I imagine your the same with all guys you meet. Instead of having this mind-frame of all men hate me, you need to start thinking more positively. Give men a chance, dont write them off from the start.
I bet you would never treat your friends or family this way, so stop doing it to men who might be interested in you. try treating them as friends - this way you will feel more comfortable and less likely to be nasty to them. And then eventually it could turn into something more than friendship. Give off signals to guys if you like them - eye contact is so important, little flirty things like touching your hair or little embarrassed smiles. If a guy gets some decent signals from you they will probably come over and talk to you. That is when you need to be interested in that guy - ask questions about him and his life. Let him ask questions about you too and be honest with him. Tell him any daft stories that come to mind when you are talking. Just dont be cold and distant otherwise you will never get anywhere.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Wow! Although you have written a lot here you've not really told us much, for us to work on. Have you spoken to your female friends about this, do you have any male friends, and I mean just mates, not someone you fancy? Talk to your mates try and become friends with boys so you can see how we act and think, as we are a very different breed than you may expect.
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