A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that has been bothering me. We are both 26. I have a childhood friend whom I went to school with. We have spent everyday day of our lives together, and as life is coming to a crucial stage (soon we will be with kids, lifes change, move city) but for now he seems to be avoiding me. I am always making effort and I seem to be last resort. I am confused as I have taken a step back, however I never get any contact. I know many people will say move on, however Why is it only me that finds it awkward? I am happy for someone to move on, however I do not want to fall short on my part, whether that may be a shoulder for support, or any problems i can help with, or just listen. Thats what true friends are for. With this in mind I have given all and taken nothing. It is only when I recently have been spending time with other friend groups, I realise what a good friend really is. Some friends praise each other so much, I think wow they support each other so much! Yet with my friend, I am the only honest person. I reveal all my downfalls like an honest and open book as thats what friends are for...as a result i listen to negativity and always on the defense, and the point i want to discuss is always avoided. Unfortunately as soon as I stop communicating, there is no effort but awkardness on my part. We have mutual friends where he will try to participate in a convo to display his presence however anything else, Its impossible to get him to answer.Yes I am moving on however its hard to come by 20 years of friendship. I cannot explain all my life stories to a new friend all over again...quite frankly they dont care :) becasue they are not true friends. But i dont expect that from anyone else. Any advice? I can move on, but unfortunately this will result in a little bitterness and I will not be able to turn around once I have done it. I am trying to avoid any resentment on my part. I dont know why i feel like this as i have been told if you offer kindness, dont expect anything back. I do not expect anything back but put me at arms length full well knowing how I will be thinking is a tad unfair isnt it?
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male
reader, JustDad  +, writes (21 January 2021):
 I think you’re worrying about it more than you need. I went through a similar situation a few years ago. It’s just the progression of life. You both had similar interests and responsibilities up until now, so you both were walking the same path. But as responsibilities change, so does your paths. Children are a perfect example of this. However, your relationship doesn’t necessarily have to end. It’s just temporarily set aside to make room for the new doors in your lives that will soon be opening. You’ll find you’ll build new relationships with new people that will become just as important as this one. Your paths will cross again one day and it’ll be as if you never missed a moment. As you’ll find you easily pick up right where you left off.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2019):
 No one is saying you HAVE to cut him off from now on, maybe just put in AS much (or little) effort as HE does and see where it goes.
No, new friends won't know as much about you as this old friend, nor do they NEED to in order to be your friend. You say they aren't "true friends" - why? Because they didn't share a wading pool but-naked with you at the age of 5? Or grew up with you? You CAN be friends with people who doesn't KNOW every detail of your life. You can MARRY someone who doesn't know EVERY detail of your life and STILL life a good life together.
Why bitter? Because he has somewhat rejected your friendship? Or because he might be on a different path and don't see you being an integral part for HIS future?
That goes BOTH ways. He won't be part of YOUR life either, so it's not like anyone "win" anything when friendships break down.
I GET that it sucks when a friend outgrow you or FEEL like they have. Or they develop different focus in life or whatnot, but it happens.
Some of my BEST friends I met later in life, some in college and a couple much later. I still have a couple of childhood friends but living 6,500 KM from home now, it IS hard to main real friendships.
It's PART of growing up.
So IF I were you I'd just back off totally. No need to unfriend or block or any of that but just "mentally" downgrade him to an acquaintance. And keep building new friends and a healthy social circle.
You can't MAKE someone stay your friend. Or like you. You know that by now.
So let him go. Maybe he will come to realize what he gave up, maybe he won't. But LIFE goes on.
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