A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,What would you do?Its been 6 months of dating (5 exclusively), we have a wonderful time together whether its hanging out watching movies alone or going on a lovely vacation with friends and family. I'm in my early 50's and he's mid-40s. I'm divorced with a 16 yr old and a 12 yr old, he's never been married but had an 18 yr live in relationship with a woman who never wanted to marry (no clue why). He doesn't have kids just dogs. We see each other 3-4 times a week and have a fabulous sex life.Communication is an issue - he doesn't express himself with me and I'm tired of guessing what the heck he's feeling or thinking. He's a cardiologist so he's not stupid. What gives? I'm frustrated. I've calmly said I'd like to see him more and talk more when we're not together but it seems to fall on deaf ears. No sign that he ever wants to utter the words "I love you" (seems more scared to do so than not feeling it - scarred by the ex and 1 other person from his past) but he shows me which I tell him I'm very appreciative of. But as time goes by I want more! Doesn't he want to know if I love him too? He's only met my kids briefly but doesn't say anything about doing things together with them. I want it to be his idea and i've told him that. Waiting for too much or am I just being impatient?What should I do, Cupid??
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I think you're right, usually if someone who is serious about you, is SHOWING you they love you, but hasn't uttered those words yet, it's because they're scared. I think somehow, it cements that and makes it almost like a verbal pact. He probably wants to know for sure that if he's going to say it, he has to mean it.
For now, I think if you love him, and you want to tell him, then go ahead. The man doesn't always have to go first. Maybe if you tell him, he might feel a little more relaxed about it? I'm not so sure as I don't know him. Or it could be that he's just not the sensitive type and wants to keep everything bottled up.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I think 6 months is a long time to not know where you stand. Are you in an exclusive relationship? Tell him how you feel about him.Ask him what he thinks about you first, then ask him how he feels about you. The answer should be very illuminating to you.I dated a cardiologist years ago, when I was in college and he was in Med school. I know you can't generalize, but he was very very smart and very very weird, he and I just didn't click in the way I needed him too.Here's hoping your's is a different breed.There really isn't an answer to this, it is what it is, but you will have to decide if you are just his right now sex thing, or if there is something deeper and more long term. Communication is the only way to find that out.Good luck, and don't be afraid to talk, it's better you know now than keeping yourself in the dark, don't you agree?
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