A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm a single man and recently i've been hooking up with my ex (who has a boyfriend) when we are both drunk. She isnt happy with her boyfriend, this is underpinned by the fact they haven't been intimate in any way for over a year now. I really care about this girl and think about her all the time, but there is one massive problem, her insecurities.The first sign is the clothes and make up she wears when we go out with friends. While other girls who have boyfriends are fairly well covered up she makes sure to show cleavage and puts on enough eye shadow for everyone there. I know this is not to make any kind of statement as she doesnt have the confidence for it. I know this is minor but it certainately is noticable.The second is that she is incapable of saying no to guys, and innapropriate ones at that! We have had a history and it is clear we still care deeply about each other and we have told each other (albeit when drunk), but then she goes and kisses any guy who shows her attention, regardless of who they are (older men, scum, anything). The last time was a man in his 40's dressed head to toe in sports gear who had brought his 12 and 13 year old daughters to the pub and allowed them to drink and had just got in to a fight. I dont mean to judge but her upbringing would suggest more class than that, she even asked me to help get her away from him, but failing that she kissed him and was annoyed about it. Naturally I cant get annoyed at her about it because shes not my girlfriend, it still hurts.The third and argueably the most important is selfish behaviour and her blamethrowing, nothing is ever her fault, if she has to do something for someone (even if shes offered) and then decides she doesnt want to to, she will start moaning and make you feel like you've just killed her mother. Even when she is obviously in the wrong and you mention it despite how softly and gently you approach it, is always taken as a personal attack on her and naturally an arguement ensues.Basically I'm just wondering whether you lot think its worth it. I have tried for years to get over this girl but I cannot, I'm scared it may be becoming and obsession (how would I deal with this?). I'm also worried its not me she enjoys being with, just the excitement of the chase. If she is worth it, how can I make her be more at ease with herself and realise its not always about her? Any help would be appreciated! :)
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confidence, drunk, has a boyfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Oh man....
well you helped foment a malignant relationship by cheating WITH her, so I don't have a lot of sympathy for you. Thats pretty bad, man. You need to grow up and be responsible.
Second thing, now that you know she is capable of cheating WITH you, and by her behavior when drinking (no excuse since booze brings out our natural emotions)you now know that you certainly cant trust her, she is basically a skank who cant handle her booze. or her vagina.
So now you really care for her huh?
Be careful what you wish for....
You are getting played, dude. You are gonna get the shit end of the stick. You are Exes for a reason, you should stay that way. Grow up, move on, and take responsibility for your own portion of this low drama and learn not to hurt innocent people(her boyfriend). She will do the same thing to you, and when it happens you wont't be able to believe it...I already see you coming back here in 6 months with the script already written
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I think you know already the answer. But yeah shes not worth it. You just like the fact you can be there for her and help her when she is down. If you are hooking up with her then you are just another one of her thingies for attention. Why I say this? because she is still with her bf ;)
She isn't happy but stays with him...yeah sure. Dude forget this b****. Ignore her or whatever, she doesn't even sound like friend material. This is what you want? I highly doubt. There's other fish in the sea ^^
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A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (15 June 2009):
Seems like you on the outside anyway, mate. It don't matter how a woman dresses when she goes out that's up to her. My wife dresses how she wants. In summer she wears skimpy gear wether she out with me or not.
Your ex sounds as if she has a drink problem. When women act the way you describe she is with other fellas it is normally becaused they are pissed.
As for blaming everyone but herself that is typical of people who have not realised yet how far off the rail they have gone.
If you want to know how to get over her; stop hooking up with her. Leave her be and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This girl sounds just like my now exGF. While we were dating this stupid exbf of hers kept texting her and stuff and it really irritated me. she dumped me for him, they've been together on and off for about 6 years. She says she isnt in love with him but keeps coming back to him. She's very insecure and doesn't really knows what she wants
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